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Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62959) - you deserved it (5691)
On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was woken up by my step brother trying to put his tongue in my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54121) - you deserved it (3792)
On 07/07/2011 at 3:49pm - intimacy - by lizownsvirgy - United States (California)
Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38148) - you deserved it (3578)
On 06/08/2011 at 10:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was walking along when I saw this girl kissing her boyfriend. I thought to myself "I wish I had a boyfriend like that". I'm a guy, and straight. At least I thought I was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28158) - you deserved it (10020)
On 04/07/2011 at 11:15am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was babysitting for my mum's friend. I put her little boy on my knee, and he kept pulling at my top. I asked him "are you hungry?" He replied "No, I want to see your titties." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31613) - you deserved it (7954)
On 08/04/2010 at 6:25am - intimacy - by Embarressed... (woman) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)
Today, my date arrived far earlier than expected to pick me up. Apparently my mother decided to show him to my room anyway. When the door swung open, I happened to be butt naked in front of the mirror, trying to pick out an ingrown hair on my bum. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33361) - you deserved it (3876)
On 11/13/2009 at 7:17am - misc - by stubblebutt (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75014) - you deserved it (10601)
On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went to my Homecoming dance. I had a great time until some fat girl kept trying to dance with my date, even though he politely asked her to stop. I decided to intervene. I found myself pinned to the floor by a fat girl crushing on my date, who was cheering her on as she tackled me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31512) - you deserved it (5808)
On 10/04/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I had a big exam. 20 minutes in I could feel people turning round looking at me. I ignored them at first, but towards the one hour mark it got more distracting. I stood up and yelled "Why's everyone staring at me!" I got kicked out. Turns out I was seated directly in front of the clock. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6607) - you deserved it (33437)
On 09/30/2009 at 9:36am - misc - by failfailfail - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend and he dumped me. I was kinda expecting it. What I wasn't expecting was that he'd start running in front of everyone, screaming "FREEEEEEEEEDOM!" at the top of his lungs and that he'd kiss the first girl he saw. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75407) - you deserved it (7518)
On 06/12/2009 at 2:39am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I saw my super creepy live-in uncle standing in the kitchen holding a pair of my underwear and smiling at it, humming to himself. He didn't see me. I stood there for at least 30 seconds in shock, and when I backed away he was still looking at them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (109257) - you deserved it (5096)
On 06/02/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by wtf. (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML
I agree, your life sucks (165581) - you deserved it (14440)
On 05/23/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by honeymoondisaster (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23785) - you deserved it (51222)
On 05/20/2009 at 11:08pm - love - by zero_minded12 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24545) - you deserved it (106471)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (207682) - you deserved it (10116)
On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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