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jordandior

Offline (the 02/09/2014 at 2:34am) | Search for a member

jordandior

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  • Title : Madam
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jordandior's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML

#20469621
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36146) - you deserved it (3862)

On 01/20/2013 at 2:28pm - love - by maybe dead in a day (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, wile moving into new place, I saw new, elderly neigbor sitting on er porc. I ceerfully greeted er wit, ( Hello, ow r you? ) Se simply rocked slowly in er cair and replied, ( Just waiting to die. ) Se was te most ceerful person I met all day.

Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, an got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time thier around, my boyfriend always looks stoned an constipated, an his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML

#20460771
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42852) - you deserved it (7373)

On 01/15/2013 at 1:57pm - love - by Bella (woman) - United States (Florida)

Taday my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walkd into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, coverd in ketchup. She laughedhen I began to scream. FML

#20460540
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40984) - you deserved it (4273)

On 01/15/2013 at 9:41am - kids - by Nightmare (woman) -

Today, After Having Sex For The First Time With Mah Girlfriend, I Realisd I Was In Love With Her!! I Noticd She Had An Eyelash On Her Breast!! After Tugging It A Few Times I Realisd It Was Actually A Single Black Nipple Hair!! She Was So Embarrassd, She Kickd Me Out And Now Won't Return Mah Calls!! Big Fat FML

#20426821
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32725) - you deserved it (25256)

On 12/27/2012 at 10:06pm - intimacy - by ohman (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I was giving my son a driving lesson. He blatantly ran a rd light, so I told him to pull over to let me drive us home. As I walkd over to the driver-side door, he instead lockd me out and drove off by himself. FML

#20156278
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27058) - you deserved it (6597)

On 11/09/2012 at 1:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Argentina (Buenos Aires)

Today , I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it lookd like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it fir a couple of hours , giving it food , an rocking it to sleep , my parents found me. Then I realisd it was just celery. Too bad it took that long fir my meds to kick in. FML

#20151986
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19790) - you deserved it (6396)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:11am - misc - by Squid (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today... I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into house. I've been searching house for two hours and still can't fine him. I'm afraid to go to sleep.

#20142294
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33203) - you deserved it (2350)

On 10/31/2012 at 11:04pm - kids - by ananymous - United States (New York)

Today.. . mah 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant . The father is mah 15-year-old son . FML

#20111886
521 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75323) - you deserved it (8810)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)

Today , after having bought mah daughter a complete set of new school clothes , she threw a tantrum and refused to wear them. I told her she could either wear them , or go to school naked. She made if half-way down the street in the nude before I caught up and dragged her back inside. FML

#20102964
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26818) - you deserved it (9339)

On 10/05/2012 at 2:22pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wokingham)

yesterday a guy I've been seeing for ahile sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clickd the link just to see wat sick shit he wantd to show me. It was my mom. FML

#20079475
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59695) - you deserved it (3067)

On 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm - intimacy - by identitychangeplease - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today I took my 2-year-old son to the ear doctor since he'd stopped responding whenever I call him. The doctor told me that his ears are just fine. He's just ignoring me. FML

#19990524
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23054) - you deserved it (5071)

On 07/29/2012 at 8:20am - kids - by fml - Japan (Saitama)

Today... I walked in on mah mom... braiding mah dad's pubic hair. I don't know what scarred me more; mah mom braiding his pubic hair or the fact that his pubic hair is long enough to be braided.

#18479276
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50154) - you deserved it (3783)

On 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm - intimacy - by Joe (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, dad finally decidd to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If u ever decide to have sex, picture face like this" and pointd to his face,hich had a creepy, intense stare!! He just ruind sex 4 me!! Forever!! FML

#18467751
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44052) - you deserved it (5361)

On 12/09/2011 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Aly (woman) - United States

Today, I walkd into my shd to fine looool my daughter's boyfriend asleep and completely duct-tapd to the ceiling, with his face paintd like a clown. FML

#17628781
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32034) - you deserved it (3061)

On 08/31/2011 at 10:00am - kids - by piece of shed - United States (New York)



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