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jonnied23's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
jonnied23's favorite FMLs
Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML
by piemasterzim / 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm / Canada / Kids
Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML
by nekkidness / 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I ran into my boss outside of work. She smiled, and started trying to have an in-depth chat with me. I wouldn't have minded, if it weren't for the fact I ran into her at a club, whilst they were having an S and M theme night. And we were both fully dressed up for it. FML
by jobsearching / 11/21/2012 at 3:43pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Work
Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at my son's school parked, and the driver got out. I basically leaned on my horn and gave her every dirty look in the book. She said nothing but stared at me as she opened the back of her van to unload her child's wheelchair. I'm an asshole. FML
by AHole / 11/21/2012 at 9:03am / United States (North Dakota) / Transportation
by Jo / 11/21/2012 at 12:42am / United States (California) / Geek
Today, someone posted photos from a party I was at. On each photo I'm posing in with a girl, my hand is not touching her, but is hovering over her like some creepy weirdo loser. My Facebook nickname is now of course "Hover Hand." FML
by Hover Hand / 11/20/2012 at 9:37pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by babyblues / 11/20/2012 at 2:45pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML
by Brian / 11/20/2012 at 10:50am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I called Costco to ask them not to renew my membership because of financial problems. The man on the phone spent 30 minutes telling me why I'm a fool to leave and I ended up with a renewed $55 membership and 25 minutes over my minute allowance. FML
by TKay916 / 11/20/2012 at 3:47am / United States (California) / Money
Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML
by kinkicali / 11/20/2012 at 3:43am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML
by Anonymous / 11/19/2012 at 8:15pm / United States / Love
by wow babe / 11/19/2012 at 12:46pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by besviken / 11/18/2012 at 5:53pm / Sweden (Uppsala Lan) / Intimacy
Today, while giving a lecture on gender equality in the workplace, a woman yelled from the back, asking me why I'm not out starting a war somewhere. I stopped talking and tried to pinpoint her in the crowd, which she took as a sign to snort and call me a pussy. Nobody would back me up. FML
by Anonymous / 11/18/2012 at 1:40pm / Latvia (Riga) / Work
Today, my daughter had a meltdown when I told her I donated some of her old toys to Goodwill. It turns out Toy Story has taught her that toys have feelings and that she has a meaningful relationship with them. She's in her teens. FML
by susan / 11/17/2012 at 5:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
- Today, I received yet another message from my 54 year old neighbor talking about wanting to having… Today, at my friends work I went to use the restroom and I managed to drop my keys in the toilet. I… Today, my sister that I haven't seen in years told me she has a bad meth addiction. I just sent her…