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jonnied23's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
jonnied23's favorite FMLs
Today, I started charging my phone in the car during a family road trip. The car recognized my iPhone as an MP3 player and started playing the audio from the porn video I watched before we left. Everybody heard. FML
by anonymous / 01/05/2013 at 11:16am / United States / Transportation
Today, my wife is pregnant and sick. She switches from sobbing she's sorry for that, to blaming me for "doing this to me." On top of that, I have half her symptoms now: throwing up and crying for no reason. This will be a long 9 months. FML
by Dracoboxer357 / 01/05/2013 at 11:00am / Canada / Health
by tftm / 01/05/2013 at 12:37am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML
by VampObsessed / 01/05/2013 at 12:30am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML
by Anonymous / 01/04/2013 at 7:56pm / Netherlands (Groningen) / Kids
Today, while on a first date with a charming guy, I excused myself to the bathroom. I tried to bring my purse along, since my pads were in there, and mother nature was calling. He vehemently insisted that I leave my purse, in case I was planning on stiffing him on the bill. FML
by but i make different stiffies / 01/04/2013 at 7:33pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by marisa / 01/04/2013 at 7:31pm / Ireland (Carlow) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/04/2013 at 5:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by bureaucratic assfuckery / 01/04/2013 at 3:51pm / United States (Maryland) / Health
Today, I had a fight with my boyfriend over a girl he is close to. He later arrived with flowers for what I thought was an apology. He was actually breaking up with me; the flowers were for her, he just didn't want to leave them in the car. FML
by damn / 01/04/2013 at 9:08am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML
by idiot / 01/04/2013 at 5:13am / Sweden / Health
by Anonymous / 01/04/2013 at 1:18am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Tiffosaur / 01/04/2013 at 1:12am / United States / Love
by WellShit / 01/03/2013 at 9:19pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health
Today, I went to take a shower. Afterwards, I noticed I'd forgotten to bring a shirt to change into, so I put on a towel and went back to my room, only to witness my 14-year-old brother and a friend smelling my bra, commenting on "how warm it is". FML
by PrezKisame / 01/03/2013 at 3:35pm / Australia (Queensland) / Kids
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…