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Today, I had a dream that my ex-boyfriend had become a vicious serial killer and was hunting me down because I broke up with him. I don't know what scares me more: the way he hunted me in my sleep, or the fact that it wouldn't surprise me if it actually happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16101) - you deserved it (2349)
On 07/19/2012 at 11:55am - love - by InsomniacToBe - United States (Utah)
Today, when I woke up, I noticed something crawling on my bed. A white faced wasp was dragging the corpse of a rather large spider. I'm not sure what I was more disturbed about; the fact that the wasp was dragging something twice its size, or that these bugs even live in my house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18672) - you deserved it (1407)
On 07/15/2012 at 10:00pm - misc - by klanciee - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (29003) - you deserved it (3193)
On 07/14/2012 at 8:50pm - intimacy - by checkup (man) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)
Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8754) - you deserved it (18857)
On 07/14/2012 at 7:15am - intimacy - by zstarr - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. We were under the covers, and my little brother thought we were wrestling, so he got on top of the covers and started "wrestling" with us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10452) - you deserved it (19213)
On 07/14/2012 at 3:09am - intimacy - by Leyla - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. We were under the covers, and my little brother thought we were wrestling, so he got on top of the covers and started "wrestling" with us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10452) - you deserved it (19213)
On 07/14/2012 at 3:09am - intimacy - by Leyla - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my boyfriend came to a family barbecue. I guess my dad heard him talking about the "fun" we'd be having later, because over the following two hours, he tripped my boyfriend up on concrete, threw a beer can at him, and sprayed him full-force with a water hose. All "accidentally" of course. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13929) - you deserved it (4682)
On 07/06/2012 at 5:30pm - misc - by :$ (woman) - United States
Today, my over-protective husband went into an extreme fit of jealousy at the sight of me breast-feeding our newborn baby boy. He's trying to make me bottle-feed our boy, because apparently it's "wrong" to let another guy touch my boobs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34788) - you deserved it (3699)
On 07/06/2012 at 1:44pm - love - by wife of a shithead (woman) - Norway (Oslo)
Today, I was having an argument with my girlfriend in front of our friends. I didn't want her to spoil my good time, so I ignored her until she disappeared. She re-appeared thirty minutes later just to throw a punch that would make Muhammad Ali jealous. Our friends' reaction? They clapped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6213) - you deserved it (34261)
On 07/03/2012 at 7:51am - misc - by ali (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I saw my best friend, who's a cop. He was dressed up in regular clothes and with six other guys. I said, "Officer T.? Didn't you have work today?" Turns out he was undercover, and I blew his investigation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14030) - you deserved it (29658)
On 07/01/2012 at 4:45am - misc - by immabitch - United States
Today, I was having sex with the guy I've been in love with for years. I moaned, "say my name." He didn't know it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24251) - you deserved it (7211)
On 06/30/2012 at 9:35pm - intimacy - by say my name -
Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15830) - you deserved it (4460)
On 06/29/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was having a funny conversation with a guy I had met on Xbox. I told him the state I lived in, and he said, "Don't tell me that, I might stalk you." He wasn't kidding. He has somehow found out my phone number, and my address. He says he's going to send me flowers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10441) - you deserved it (22952)
On 06/22/2012 at 9:08am - misc - by ExplosiveDildo (woman) - Afghanistan
Today, I was lecturing my high school students on the importance of a good education. I pointed out the janitor in the hall and told them if they didn't stay in school, they'd end up like him. Then one of my students raised her hand and reminded me that the janitor I pointed to was her dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4633) - you deserved it (48902)
On 06/21/2012 at 12:11am - work - by daddy'sgirl - United States (Tennessee)
Sunday 12 May 2013
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