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jonnied23's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
jonnied23's favorite FMLs
Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML
by an idiot / 02/16/2013 at 1:03pm / Australia / Money
Today, while I was babysitting, the little girl wanted to show me a picture that her mom had just sent to the family iPad via iMessage. Trying to be helpful, I clicked iMessage, only to see pictures of her father's erect penis. She won't stop asking about the "hotdog" in the picture. FML
by Scarlett / 02/16/2013 at 1:03am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by uhoh / 02/16/2013 at 12:27am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, while at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessed to being interested in. My mom decided to shout, "IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?!" Embarrassed, I desperately told her to be quiet. She grounded me for being "rude" to her. FML
by Anonymous / 02/15/2013 at 7:39pm / Italy (Lombardia) / Love
Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML
by Acolyte of the Bacon God / 02/15/2013 at 2:50pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 11:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to yet again explain to the guy I live with that just because you can't see dirt, it doesn't mean it's clean. And so letting his dog lick the plates is NOT the same thing as washing up. He won't listen to me, and he uses my plates. FML
by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 8:08pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Animals
Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML
by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 4:50pm / Saudi Arabia (Ash Sharqiyah) / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried to give some change to a homeless man. My girlfriend pulled me away and ranted about how homeless people are all basically bastards who deserve their misfortune, and that I shouldn't give "our" money away. FML
by dating a fucking psycho / 02/14/2013 at 3:06pm / United States (North Carolina) / Money
by lex / 02/14/2013 at 6:01am / United States / Love
Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML
by assoutofuandme / 02/14/2013 at 2:39am / United States (California) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 02/13/2013 at 7:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Money
by Anonymous / 02/13/2013 at 5:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by kenyaliving / 02/13/2013 at 5:04pm / Kenya / Miscellaneous
Today, the guy I like and his friend came home with me to work on a project. I opened my front door and my mum was at the top of the stairs completely naked, bent over, drying her hair with the hairdryer. It took a few moments for her to realise we were there. FML
by Anonymous / 02/13/2013 at 6:47am / United Kingdom (North Ayrshire) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try cybersex, because we rarely see each other these days. We… Today, I was getting it on with my cute guy friend in his candlelit bedroom and we had just started… Today, after going on a blind date with a man I had met on facebook, we decided to go back to his…