Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

jonnied23

Search for a member

jonnied23
  • Town/Country : Silver Spring, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 23 June 1997 (16 years)
  • Number of visits : 3054
  • Number of comments : 28
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

jonnied23's last visitors

fueledbyhateWafflebotO_Ojasonmaronlyme25NineInchSacksBunchieRulesArcheryCole99October3461SpinofanaticPunkySpunky78

jonnied23's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of jonnied23's badges

jonnied23's favorite FMLs

Today, I finished the kayak I have been working on for four years. I can't get it out of my basement. FML

#20811304
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38432) - you deserved it (22434)

On 07/30/2013 at 10:13am - misc - by kayak probs - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I noticed fraudulent charges made in Florida that nearly drained my bank account. After reporting the fraud to the bank, I returned home from a weekend away to find a note from my husband. He and his mistress have run off to Florida to start a life together, apparently at my expense. FML

#20810887
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49102) - you deserved it (2424)

On 07/30/2013 at 1:09am - money - by brokeandalone (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML

#20807595
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56363) - you deserved it (8101)

On 07/28/2013 at 3:45am - intimacy - by microlovin (man) - United States (California)

Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo 'stache", she painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van. FML

#20807393
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37982) - you deserved it (25536)

On 07/28/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I attempted some bondage for the first time. Within seconds of the handcuffs being put on, I went into a serious panic attack. I was playing the dominant; my girlfriend was the one in cuffs. FML

#20806809
118 comments

Today, I was babysitting a kid for the first time. She asked if she could watch a movie, so I downloaded Cinderella for her. An hour later, this 10-year-old girl was lecturing me about unrealistic standards of beauty and abusive relationships, and how I suck for liking the movie. FML

#20806393
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43049) - you deserved it (7567)

On 07/27/2013 at 1:51pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Finland

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML

#20805942
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40113) - you deserved it (22442)

On 07/27/2013 at 4:03am - love - by good_aim (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after 4 perfectly happy years together. The reason? He had a dream in which his dead former girlfriend from when he was 13 told him she still loved him. He now believes his dead childhood sweetheart is trying to contact him and I'm "in the way of their love." FML

#20805936
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56502) - you deserved it (3965)

On 07/27/2013 at 3:56am - love - by Immaculatedream (woman) - New Zealand

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about how I'm jealous of her best guy friend always hanging around her. She responded by saying, "Wait, I thought you knew I was dating him too?" FML

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

#20805312
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53517) - you deserved it (8898)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by turning red - United States

Today, I went to my father for advice. I've been seeing a wonderful girl for the past month, and I feel terrible about it, because I already have a girlfriend. He said "Kill yourself" and that if I "can't even do that right" then to get out of his house, because he disowns me. FML

#20805096
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26668) - you deserved it (61405)

On 07/26/2013 at 6:11pm - love - by i suck, this i know :( (man) - Malawi (Blantyre)

Today, I was at a pool party with some friends. We decided to play chicken and I was on the shoulders of the guy I like. Right as we started playing, for some unearthly reason my body decided to let out a little pee. I thought he wouldn't notice since we were already wet. He did. FML

#20804466
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50455) - you deserved it (16128)

On 07/26/2013 at 10:26am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my boyfriend's dream came true; he had always wanted to break a bed during sex. The bed he broke was a heirloom in my family for 150 years. The best part: he was by himself. FML

#20804404
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54960) - you deserved it (4672)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:09am - intimacy - by amiezingme - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I attended an elderly patient's funeral. He died of a heart attack after his daughter, as his carer, stopped all of his meds in favour of a half-cup of garlic a day. Apparently she'd "read an article" about the healing power of garlic, which trumped my 6-year degree. FML

#20804217
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46173) - you deserved it (2412)

On 07/26/2013 at 3:58am - health - by Saddoc (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my grandma walked into my house drunk. She was mumbling something about her being a badass because she beat someone with a pool stick at a bar. She's 68 years old. FML

#20804067
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35540) - you deserved it (3228)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:10am - misc - by dareyale (woman) - United States (Alabama)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: