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jonnied23's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
jonnied23's favorite FMLs
Today, my college started an internet "confessions" page. Out of curiosity I checked it out, only to find that it's full of some of the most disturbing stuff I've ever read. My schoolmates are either filthy as fuck or they are all pathological liars. Wonderful. FML
by panicelement / 02/27/2013 at 2:17am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by thecatlady / 02/27/2013 at 2:12am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals
Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML
by Jan / 02/26/2013 at 11:50pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML
by Frostbitten / 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
by pooh anne / 02/26/2013 at 3:26pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love
by guyssuck / 02/26/2013 at 2:11pm / Canada (Northwest Territories) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML
by Puppylove / 02/26/2013 at 1:09pm / United Kingdom / Animals
by keerow / 02/26/2013 at 10:54am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Brook / 02/26/2013 at 3:21am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
Today, I got stuck in traffic when a shootout started somewhere behind. I lowered myself and suddenly a bullet punctured a hole in the rear screen. When I managed to get away, I called my wife in a panic. She didn't pick up so I sent her a text about what just happened. Her reply: "K". FML
by n3ov / 02/25/2013 at 11:33pm / Pakistan (Islamabad) / Intimacy
Today, I was feeling generous, so I made my roommate's favorite meal for her when she got home. When she did return home, she flipped her shit for no reason, screaming that she would pee on everything I love. Considering our history, I'm going to start checking my things for urine. FML
by sniperkit / 02/25/2013 at 7:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML
by Anonymous / 02/25/2013 at 6:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, I realized that the "eyelash curling brush" that my best friend found in my old bathroom drawer was actually a stick used for cleaning food out of my sister's braces. I used that thing for years. FML
by curly_eyelashes / 02/24/2013 at 9:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by incendiaaa / 02/24/2013 at 6:17am / Australia / Animals
Today, I was holding the door open for a friend. She told me to wait a second because she had to finish a text. Nearly a minute passed before I asked why she wouldn't come inside to finish typing. We were at a Chinese restaurant. She thought the "No MSG" sign meant you couldn't text inside. FML
by cls_x / 02/24/2013 at 2:53am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…