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joker_smile_1313

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joker_smile_1313
  • Town/Country : Emporia, KS, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 2 February 1990 (24 years)
  • Number of visits : 806
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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joker_smile_1313's favorite FMLs

Today, during a review session for a botany class, I began to space out. Then, I started to go, "beep, beep, beep, beep." I stopped when I noticed the entire class staring at me as if I were insane. This was not the first time this had happened. FML

#6691073
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7249) - you deserved it (29435)

On 12/10/2009 at 4:29am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML

#6676147
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39181) - you deserved it (2368)

On 12/09/2009 at 2:39am - misc - by PoorGramps - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my dorm room. He was naked and was peeing into my water bottle. He kept asking for Chris. I have no idea who Chris is. FML

#6613935
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29774) - you deserved it (2939)

On 12/05/2009 at 9:10am - misc - by thewallrules - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I stopped by the gun store to pick up a new concealed weapon for protection. As I was leaving the store, a man came up behind me, hit me with a crowbar, and stole my gun. FML

#6602015
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29582) - you deserved it (12293)

On 12/04/2009 at 5:01pm - misc - by lamed (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I fainted for the first time in my life. I was in the shower. With my girlfriend. Apparently, my brain and my erection had a battle for who got the most blood, and my erection won. FML

#6583595
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20667) - you deserved it (3005)

On 12/03/2009 at 12:50pm - intimacy - by Silent - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, me and my girlfriend were riding on my motorcycle. While at a stop light, she started to make these weird noises. Turns out she was having an orgasm. I still can't give her one. FML

#6534520
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21273) - you deserved it (5029)

On 11/30/2009 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was opening up to my close friend about my low self esteem. To make me feel better, he told me that he gets a boner whenever he walks behind me. FML

#6474999
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15249) - you deserved it (6044)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:20am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML

#6367890
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23064) - you deserved it (3190)

On 11/19/2009 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by pussystroker (woman) - United Kingdom (Peterborough)

Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML

#6355609
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12117) - you deserved it (21174)

On 11/18/2009 at 4:01pm - animals - by nycplywood (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, after months of trying to potty train my son, he finally told me he used the potty. I went to the bathroom to check. There was nothing there. So I asked him "Where did you go to the potty?". He then grabbed my hand and took me to the cat's litter box. My son has successfully litter trained himself. FML

#6321583
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24632) - you deserved it (2686)

On 11/16/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by anonymous (woman) - Japan (Okinawa)

Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML

#6302850
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6534) - you deserved it (65206)

On 11/14/2009 at 4:37pm - animals - by TheMichaelNixon - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was at a party where I ate bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML

#6298765
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16746) - you deserved it (29757)

On 11/14/2009 at 8:37am - misc - by swedishdude (man) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, I went to the movies. Not only did the movie end up being awful, but I came to my car to find out someone drew Squidward from "SpongeBob" with large letters spelling "I LIKE POTATOES!" on my windshield. In permanent marker. FML

#6298224
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21879) - you deserved it (2154)

On 11/14/2009 at 6:08am - misc - by squidwardpotatoes (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was volunteering at a zoo event for special needs kids. My job was to dress up in a kangaroo costume and greet the kids. One kid came up and said "You're not real!" and kicked me in the nuts. FML

#2854895
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46327) - you deserved it (4063)

On 06/13/2009 at 10:42am - kids - by Hackmanjones (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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