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johnnynumnuts

Offline (the 02/27/2015 at 1:08am) | Search for a member

johnnynumnuts

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johnnynumnutsjohnnynumnuts
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 18 June 1998 (16 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 644
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About johnnynumnuts : Add me on Sc: Nickkessler98, or message me!

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johnnynumnuts's favorite FMLs

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

#12051058
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35701) - you deserved it (15318)

On 07/22/2010 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, in math class, I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted. Loudly. FML

#11389778
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18513) - you deserved it (57763)

On 06/22/2010 at 9:41pm - health - by fartwoman - United States (California)

Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML

#8861010
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9752) - you deserved it (28175)

On 03/06/2010 at 1:10am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a 95 on my term project. To congratulate me, my boyfriend said we're having sex tonight. I only get laid if I get good grades. FML

#8821519
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25737) - you deserved it (6081)

On 03/04/2010 at 10:48am - intimacy - by lalararara - United States

Today, since we hadn't been romantic for a long time, I shaved, took a bath, cut my hair and snuggled up to my husband in bed. He got up, went to the computer, masturbated to porn, came back to bed and asked me what was for breakfast. FML

#6379949
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28416) - you deserved it (3588)

On 11/20/2009 at 1:41pm - intimacy - by Inkabadger (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my date arrived far earlier than expected to pick me up. Apparently my mother decided to show him to my room anyway. When the door swung open, I happened to be butt naked in front of the mirror, trying to pick out an ingrown hair on my bum. FML

#6285115
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40620) - you deserved it (5250)

On 11/13/2009 at 7:17am - misc - by stubblebutt (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML

#6265559
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30106) - you deserved it (4421)

On 11/11/2009 at 10:05pm - misc - by DangerZone (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me. Completely crushed, I spent an hour gathering up everything he ever gave me. Then he calls back to say how stupid he was and how he wanted me back. I was ecstatic. An hour later he figured out he was okay with his first decision. FML

#5992149
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40052) - you deserved it (4183)

On 10/25/2009 at 3:19pm - love - by rollercoaster (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming "I meant it!" FML

#5902107
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31785) - you deserved it (7850)

On 10/19/2009 at 7:51pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML

#4505034
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35144) - you deserved it (78976)

On 08/13/2009 at 4:57pm - kids - by bubbalicious (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to Knott's Berry Farm with my girlfriend. After we got off of Supreme Scream, the ride attendant asked her, "How was it?" She pointed to me and said, "It's like sex with this man, my boyfriend; intense, then disappointing because it only lasts like 30 seconds." FML

#4393930
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52417) - you deserved it (11499)

On 08/08/2009 at 9:41pm - intimacy - by blank13 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the Wild Animal Park. There were bees everywhere. One brave bee, thinking he was Mr. Macho, flew right down my tank top in between my boobs. I freaked the hell out and ended up screaming and pulling down my shirt to get the bee out. I flashed about 10 kids and their families. FML

#4097129
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48718) - you deserved it (9293)

On 07/28/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by bsaucedo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 9 year old niece asked me if I was a virgin. I told her, "Yes, I'm saving myself until marriage". She replied, "That's a load of bullshit, you just can't get a guy!" Sadly, she's right. FML

#4025974
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48307) - you deserved it (8187)

On 07/25/2009 at 5:55am - kids - by Kimberly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up and my husband said he got me a gift for our 1 year anniversary and it was on the table. We laid around cuddling and when I finally got up I was expecting to walk out to beautiful bouquet of flowers. I got two pack of cigarettes. FML

#2465572
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43164) - you deserved it (9784)

On 05/31/2009 at 2:07pm - love - by sadwife (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML

#2428701
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55311) - you deserved it (19469)

On 05/30/2009 at 10:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



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