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johnnynumnuts

Offline (the 03/17/2015 at 7:22pm) | Search for a member

johnnynumnuts

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johnnynumnutsjohnnynumnuts
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 18 June 1998 (16 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 732
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About johnnynumnuts : Add me on Sc: Nickkessler98, or message me!

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johnnynumnuts's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

#18083202
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40733) - you deserved it (5244)

On 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML

#18048411
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15033) - you deserved it (46613)

On 10/22/2011 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to my gyn to see what a painful lump is under my armpit. Turns out it's breast tissue, and yes, it will fill up with milk when I'm pregnant. I essentially have three boobs. FML

#17743862
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36242) - you deserved it (2509)

On 09/14/2011 at 12:34pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I learned what it felt like to get shot in the nuts by an airsoft gun. Thank you, Mom. FML

#17634185
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29973) - you deserved it (4340)

On 09/01/2011 at 6:52am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my family reunion. I've always hated my family. I walked up behind my husband and said, "I can't wait to go home and make love." My husband turned around. It was my uncle wearing the same hat as my husband. FML

#17601670
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18034) - you deserved it (35759)

On 08/28/2011 at 2:18am - intimacy - by dev - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while out shopping, I noticed a seedy bum kept following a girl around the store. Trying to be a good samaritan, I trailed them into the street. The bum jogged up behind her and looked like he was about to grab her, so I ran up and tackled him to the ground. Turns out he was her father. FML

#17471186
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22946) - you deserved it (13648)

On 08/14/2011 at 3:31pm - misc - by fuck (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I walked through a spider's web with hundreds of baby spiders on it. My afro is now infested. FML

#16129508
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47066) - you deserved it (16171)

On 05/11/2011 at 1:34pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I was having some intense sex with my boyfriend. I was wailing so loud that my neighbors decided to call the police on us. According to them, it sounded like I was "being tortured to death". FML

#15698653
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18768) - you deserved it (34593)

On 04/08/2011 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was making love to my wife from behind. As we both reached climax at the same time, she threw her head back in ecstasy just as I buckled forward with pleasure. We slammed our heads together, effectively ending our orgasms. FML

#15636235
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39871) - you deserved it (10983)

On 04/04/2011 at 2:29pm - intimacy - by Abyssal (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML

#15336474
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47547) - you deserved it (8287)

On 03/16/2011 at 12:50pm - intimacy - by thisblows - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my cat died while walking around the kitchen. He had a heart attack when the toaster popped out two slices of bread. FML

#14753781
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49206) - you deserved it (4003) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/29/2011 at 3:09am - animals - by Anonymous - France

Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML

#14442840
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35173) - you deserved it (5849)

On 01/02/2011 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says "Wow, this is just too funny". FML

#14386335
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28241) - you deserved it (5748)

On 12/29/2010 at 8:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that whenever my best friend used to say she wanted to do my dad, she wasn't kidding. She accomplished her mission in my bed after school. FML

#12851592
340 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53429) - you deserved it (4175)

On 09/01/2010 at 7:10am - intimacy - by fmlskank93 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while at work I tripped and fell in the pool while moving a waste basket. I nearly drowned and had to be saved. I don't know which is worse the fact that I nearly drowned or the fact that I'm a lifeguard. FML

#12236841
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27395) - you deserved it (12323)

On 08/01/2010 at 12:23am - work - by lifeguard down - United States (Pennsylvania)



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