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Offline (the 06/30/2016 at 1:58am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 18 June 1998 (18 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2007
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About johnnynumnuts : Louisville, Kentucky.

Kik: nicholaskessler
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johnnynumnuts's page activity

Visits<b>2simz</b> - the 09/03/2016 at 10:27pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 6:52am<b>Exaspera</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 12:10am<b>_itsbridgett</b> - the 04/13/2016 at 9:15pm<b>samanthaelena</b> - the 03/24/2016 at 6:03pm<b>neneluvsyooh</b> - the 03/13/2016 at 11:45pm<b>tin_cup</b> - the 03/09/2016 at 1:12am<b>jadeluv</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 2:11am<b>princesskammm</b> - the 12/29/2015 at 9:42am<b>tpagacz</b> - the 12/13/2015 at 1:33am<b>reaaaagan6</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 12:41am<b>Mons</b> - the 10/14/2015 at 12:24am<b>shufflyn</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 10:09am<b>violentsneezes</b> - the 09/19/2015 at 11:13pm<b>lchollett</b> - the 09/10/2015 at 9:27pm<b>ginnyboo</b> - the 09/10/2015 at 12:09am<b>Bazinga_1821</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 11:15pm<b>mallaryheintz</b> - the 08/25/2015 at 9:33pm

Fucked!<b>_itsbridgett</b> - the 04/14/2016 at 3:16am<b>neneluvsyooh</b> - the 10/04/2015 at 4:38am<b>violentsneezes</b> - the 09/12/2015 at 8:16pm<b>ginnyboo</b> - the 09/10/2015 at 6:09am<b>lchollett</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 2:35am<b>Exaspera</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 7:11am<b>Bazinga_1821</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 4:48am

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johnnynumnuts's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2011 at 7:26pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I went to my gyn to see what a painful lump is under my armpit. Turns out it's breast tissue, and yes, it will fill up with milk when I'm pregnant. I essentially have three boobs. FML

by Anonymous / 09/14/2011 at 12:34pm / United States (Kansas) / Health

Today, I learned what it felt like to get shot in the nuts by an airsoft gun. Thank you, Mom. FML

by Anonymous / 09/01/2011 at 6:52am / United States / Health

Today, I was at my family reunion. I've always hated my family. I walked up behind my husband and said, "I can't wait to go home and make love." My husband turned around. It was my uncle wearing the same hat as my husband. FML

by dev / 08/28/2011 at 2:18am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, while out shopping, I noticed a seedy bum kept following a girl around the store. Trying to be a good samaritan, I trailed them into the street. The bum jogged up behind her and looked like he was about to grab her, so I ran up and tackled him to the ground. Turns out he was her father. FML

by fuck / 08/14/2011 at 3:31pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked through a spider's web with hundreds of baby spiders on it. My afro is now infested. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2011 at 1:34pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Animals

Today, I was having some intense sex with my boyfriend. I was wailing so loud that my neighbors decided to call the police on us. According to them, it sounded like I was "being tortured to death". FML

by Anonymous / 04/08/2011 at 7:42pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I was making love to my wife from behind. As we both reached climax at the same time, she threw her head back in ecstasy just as I buckled forward with pleasure. We slammed our heads together, effectively ending our orgasms. FML

by Abyssal / 04/04/2011 at 2:29pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML

by thisblows / 03/16/2011 at 12:50pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, my cat died while walking around the kitchen. He had a heart attack when the toaster popped out two slices of bread. FML

by Anonymous / 01/29/2011 at 3:09am / France / Animals

Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2011 at 8:22pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Intimacy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says "Wow, this is just too funny". FML

by Anonymous / 12/29/2010 at 8:28pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that whenever my best friend used to say she wanted to do my dad, she wasn't kidding. She accomplished her mission in my bed after school. FML

by fmlskank93 / 09/01/2010 at 7:10am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, while at work I tripped and fell in the pool while moving a waste basket. I nearly drowned and had to be saved. I don't know which is worse the fact that I nearly drowned or the fact that I'm a lifeguard. FML

by lifeguard down / 08/01/2010 at 12:23am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work