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johnnynumnuts

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johnnynumnuts
  • Town/Country : Louisville, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 198
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About johnnynumnuts : Living like Larry. 15 years old and loving it.

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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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johnnynumnuts's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in the shower, when I heard my daughter scream and shout, "Mommy, mommy! Help! Come quick!" I panicked and rushed downstairs without even looking for a towel to cover myself, all so I could find out she'd just gotten a piece of dirt on her shoe. FML

#19881978
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16712) - you deserved it (1763)

On 07/02/2012 at 5:17pm - kids - by Sh*t (woman) - Venezuela (Distrito Federal)

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

#19791702
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9390) - you deserved it (17619)

On 06/15/2012 at 10:21am - kids - by habbsrule - Canada

Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML

#19335625
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7569) - you deserved it (18470)

On 03/23/2012 at 10:42pm - health - by Anon - United States

Today, I sneezed while at the office. I felt snot shoot out, but I couldn't see anything on the tissue. I ignored it and went on with my day. When I went to the bathroom hours later, I noticed a huge wad of snot had dried onto the front of my shirt. No one told me about it. FML

#19214388
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19277) - you deserved it (3435)

On 03/04/2012 at 2:36pm - health - by breebree-0 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took off my sweatshirt in the middle of class. The tanktop I was wearing underneath went with it. FML

#18980998
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27786) - you deserved it (7118)

On 02/02/2012 at 11:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I passed out in the shower with my boyfriend. He just left me there. FML

#18916162
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26036) - you deserved it (4470)

On 01/26/2012 at 2:09pm - love - by soawkward - Canada (Quebec)

Today, in the spirit of Christmas, I let a spider live in my room. I normally kill them, because I'm scared of waking up with one on my face. I woke up with it on my face. FML

#18633962
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24613) - you deserved it (16043)

On 12/28/2011 at 12:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I popped a boner while my braces were being tightened. FML

#18309491
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27826) - you deserved it (5312)

On 11/21/2011 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, my mother panicked and was about to report me missing when I didn't answer her calls while I was at a movie. I'm 31, and have lived on my own for over 10 years. FML

#18182410
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30754) - you deserved it (2231)

On 11/07/2011 at 7:13am - misc - by maf811 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

#18083202
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34147) - you deserved it (3973)

On 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML

#18048411
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11617) - you deserved it (33969)

On 10/22/2011 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to my gyn to see what a painful lump is under my armpit. Turns out it's breast tissue, and yes, it will fill up with milk when I'm pregnant. I essentially have three boobs. FML

#17743862
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32901) - you deserved it (2264)

On 09/14/2011 at 12:34pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I learned what it felt like to get shot in the nuts by an airsoft gun. Thank you, Mom. FML

#17634185
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26514) - you deserved it (4012)

On 09/01/2011 at 6:52am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my family reunion. I've always hated my family. I walked up behind my husband and said, "I can't wait to go home and make love." My husband turned around. It was my uncle wearing the same hat as my husband. FML

#17601670
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17291) - you deserved it (34448)

On 08/28/2011 at 2:18am - intimacy - by dev - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while out shopping, I noticed a seedy bum kept following a girl around the store. Trying to be a good samaritan, I trailed them into the street. The bum jogged up behind her and looked like he was about to grab her, so I ran up and tackled him to the ground. Turns out he was her father. FML

#17471186
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20425) - you deserved it (12508)

On 08/14/2011 at 3:31pm - misc - by fuck (man) - United States (Arizona)



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