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joeman131's FML badges
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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
The rules are the rules
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joeman131's favorite FMLs
by embarrassed girl / 06/07/2014 at 1:40am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/12/2014 at 2:39am / United States (Hawaii) / Kids
Today, my mum begged me to let her put fake nails on me to practice for her styling exam. I've been sitting on the toilet for the past half an hour trying to figure out how to wipe without damaging something. FML
by Mojo0608 / 03/05/2014 at 11:11am / United Kingdom (Richmond upon Thames) / Health
Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML
by cockfist / 03/04/2014 at 5:41pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Intimacy
by kenzamee / 03/04/2014 at 9:39am / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, my driver's-side door was so frozen that the locking mechanism wouldn't move. My passenger-side door's lock worked, but the door itself wouldn't budge. The door handle on the other hand, budged quite well. It budged right off its hinges. FML
by Staying Home Today / 03/04/2014 at 7:25am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. With a sudden burst of confidence, I walked right up to him, intending to ask for his number. Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Excuse me sir, how much do you know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML
by booksandshadows / 03/04/2014 at 4:06am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my sister told me about a website that explained why our stressed cat has been obsessively pulling out the fur on her legs. Interested, I asked for a link. Not just out of deep concern for the cat, but because I have the same problem. FML
by Anonymous / 03/03/2014 at 11:40pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML
by Anonymous / 03/03/2014 at 11:12pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML
by fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU / 03/03/2014 at 5:35pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my students presented their projects on genetics to the rest of the class. One student told the class that salted and unsalted peanuts were an example of genetic variation. She was serious. FML
by Biologyfacepalm / 03/03/2014 at 2:58pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 03/03/2014 at 11:30am / Miscellaneous
by adopted / 03/03/2014 at 10:55am / United States (New York) / Kids
by FMLkoala / 03/03/2014 at 2:43am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
- Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one… Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was…