Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

joeman131

Offline (the 10/10/2014 at 11:24pm) | Search for a member

joeman131

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1443
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

joeman131's page activity

Visits<b>InfernoVivo</b> - the 08/10/2013 at 2:42am<b>Vanillanougat</b> - the 07/16/2013 at 10:49pm<b>yellowchocobo</b> - the 03/21/2013 at 8:49pm

joeman131's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of joeman131's badges

joeman131's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. It was going well until I accidentally passed gas. To add to the embarrassment, he rated it. I only got a 4 out of 10. FML

#21165721
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39157) - you deserved it (7275)

On 06/07/2014 at 1:40am - misc - by embarrassed girl (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my neighbor came over and yelled at me for traumatizing her kids. What did I do? Nothing. Her kids entered my back yard, dug up my 1-month-dead hamster and freaked out. FML

#21084613
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45114) - you deserved it (3112)

On 03/12/2014 at 2:39am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my mum begged me to let her put fake nails on me to practice for her styling exam. I've been sitting on the toilet for the past half an hour trying to figure out how to wipe without damaging something. FML

Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML

#21078055
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50946) - you deserved it (6205)

On 03/04/2014 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by cockfist (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I left a message for a potential employer. It wasn't until after I'd hung up that I realized I'd given them their own phone number to call me back at. Not getting that job. FML

Today, I taught my 12-year-old brothers that showering cannot be used as a substitute for deodorant, and that they should use both. One of them was almost in tears. FML

#21077693
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36673) - you deserved it (4242)

On 03/04/2014 at 8:37am - kids - by :/ -

Today, my driver's-side door was so frozen that the locking mechanism wouldn't move. My passenger-side door's lock worked, but the door itself wouldn't budge. The door handle on the other hand, budged quite well. It budged right off its hinges. FML

#21077667
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35150) - you deserved it (3428)

On 03/04/2014 at 7:25am - misc - by Staying Home Today (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. With a sudden burst of confidence, I walked right up to him, intending to ask for his number. Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Excuse me sir, how much do you know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML

#21077619
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40017) - you deserved it (11100)

On 03/04/2014 at 4:06am - love - by booksandshadows (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my sister told me about a website that explained why our stressed cat has been obsessively pulling out the fur on her legs. Interested, I asked for a link. Not just out of deep concern for the cat, but because I have the same problem. FML

#21077438
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32456) - you deserved it (5280)

On 03/03/2014 at 11:40pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML

#21077397
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34748) - you deserved it (2834)

On 03/03/2014 at 11:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

#21077048
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62964) - you deserved it (8523)

On 03/03/2014 at 5:35pm - intimacy - by fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU (man) - United States (California)

Today, my students presented their projects on genetics to the rest of the class. One student told the class that salted and unsalted peanuts were an example of genetic variation. She was serious. FML

#21076929
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41525) - you deserved it (4479)

On 03/03/2014 at 2:58pm - work - by Biologyfacepalm (woman) - United States

Today, my roommate pranked me by putting blue food coloring in the shower head. I have class in 20 minutes and look like a smurf. FML

#21076785
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39075) - you deserved it (3658)

On 03/03/2014 at 11:30am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I decided it was time to tell my daughter that she had been adopted. Not only had she known for 5 years, she found out from my drunk sister. FML

#21076752
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42923) - you deserved it (7753)

On 03/03/2014 at 10:55am - kids - by adopted (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, it seems to have got to the point where I take fleas off my cat so often that I now have dreams about finding the biggest and most perfect flea. FML



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: