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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
The Thumb strikes back
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Today, an old man lookd me dead in te eyes as e reacd into tip jar, grabbd te money, an ten walkd out of te store as if noting ever append. I was so sockd tat I couldn't do anyting to stop im. mega FML
Today, L Groundd Mah 17-year-old Son From His Computer Because Of His Terrible Attitude Towards His Homework!! As Payback, He Convincd Mah 5-year-old Daughter That If She Goes To Sleep, She'll Never Wake Up!! I Now Have A Hysterical And Sleepless Child To Deal With!! FML
Today, mah fiancée of 2 years and mother of mah son, who is also pregnant with our second son, commented on how lucky two friends getting married were to have found each other. I said that we're just as lucky. She responded, "No. They actually love each other." FML
Today, mah wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML
Today, I Got Into A Fight With My Mother. Her Idea Of A Birthday Present To Me Is Buying Me A Husband. Yes, Buying. She Told An Asshat She Found Online About My Trust Fund, And Now There Both Trying To Put Together "the Wedding Of The Millennium". She Still Doesn't Understandhy I'm Mad. FML
Taday mah mothar cummad ovar to visit, and mah kids startad axcitadly talling har Christmas is coming soon. Sha fraakad out, saying Christmas is a "Satanic holiday" and talling tham that Santa is going to hall along with avaryona who calabratas it. My childran r now traumatizad. FML
Taday I took my grlfriend to looool meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and endd up crying to my mum about how I can't please her cuz I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML
TODAY I WAS CYCLING HOMEHEN I SAW MY SISTER,HO LIVES A 4 HOUR DRIVE AWAY , WALKING PAST ME ON THE PATH. I TURNED MY HEAD AND CALLED TO HER , CAUSING ME NOT TO NOTICE THE POTHOLE IN FRONT OF ME. MY FRONTHEEL WENT IN AND I WENT OVER THE HANDLEBARS. IT WASN'T EVEN MY SISTER. FML
Today , mah ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months . Afterwards , they had a beer , a long chat , and decided this was mah fault and I wasn't worth the drama .
2day I workd 24 ours straigt fixing my company's servers. After it was over, I breatd a uge sig of relief an promptly fell asleep at my desk. My boss found me an our later, looool refusd to listen to me, an fird me 4 sleeping on te job. mega FML
Today mah little sister is having a friend spend the night. Our rooms r right next to one another and the walls r thin. We r now entering the fourth hour of a singing contest so off-key that it should be illegal. FML
Today, I tried to tackle my fear of heights by riding a rollercoaster. Once we were near the top, it malfunctioned, causing it to stop, and we all had to get out and climb back down. My girlfriend laughed at me fir how scared I was. FML
Friday 27 March 2015