Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

jmz_199

Search for a member

jmz_199
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 712
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

jmz_199's last visitors

ThursdayxobadmandilonDre27olpallyFaith13WizardoGaragedwellausernameunkn0wnIHaveNoKoolAidMrClean17

jmz_199's FML badges

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

See all of jmz_199's badges

jmz_199's favorite FMLs

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

#20970124
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45145) - you deserved it (16444)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:38pm - intimacy - by sister sister - United States (New York)

Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML

#20969751
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51664) - you deserved it (5416)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:22am - intimacy - by LadyLola (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up from a drunken one-night-stand. The person I slept with turned out to be heavily pregnant. She tried to convince me that I am the father and that I passed out for 7 months. FML

Today, my cat has figured out that while I'm good at sleeping through her nagging in the early morning hours, I will unfailingly wake up for my baby. FML

Today, after just having used the bathroom, my ring fell in the toilet. After stealthily removing it with a toothbrush, I went to go wash it in the sink. It then fell down the drain. FML

#20960472
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40625) - you deserved it (11787)

On 11/17/2013 at 1:00am - misc - by LizGo - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while on a family Disney world vacation, I saw a kid shitting on a public bathroom's floor. It was my kid. He's 10. FML

#20960450
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38718) - you deserved it (9819)

On 11/17/2013 at 12:33am - kids - by Anonymous -

Today, during school, I passed out in the lunch line and hit my head on the metal rail as I fell. Rather than helping or expressing concern at all, my friends simply left my unconscious body on the floor. Why? They had to get to the lasagna before the cafeteria ran out of it. FML

Today, I decided to confront my friend who has been stealing from me for months. She denied it, while wearing a pair of my pants. FML

#20959350
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41884) - you deserved it (3495)

On 11/16/2013 at 12:17am - misc - by CODgirl102 - United States (Florida)

Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML

#20958646
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38332) - you deserved it (2363)

On 11/15/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by mummer11 (woman) - Ireland

Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I jack off "real weird." FML

#20957730
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43506) - you deserved it (13958)

On 11/14/2013 at 5:15pm - intimacy - by jack s.b. (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I let my sister hold my newborn daughter for the first time. I heard her mutter under her breath, "I could kill you so easily..." FML

Today, while refereeing a soccer game, I was accused of being racist, blind, and a fascist by spectators. The game was played by a group of third graders. FML

#20957478
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34528) - you deserved it (2544)

On 11/14/2013 at 12:21pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend's ex moved into the apartment beneath us. She's already called the cops on us for a noise complaint twice. We were sleeping. It's going to be a long year. FML

#20955154
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40226) - you deserved it (2221)

On 11/12/2013 at 2:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, the day before I'm supposed to leave for a long-anticipated trip to Europe, my mother admitted that she's never paid for it. She only told me she did so I would stop hinting that I wanted to go. I gave up Christmas for this trip. FML

Today, I got a concussion. It was when an entire shelf of bicycle helmets tumbled onto my skull. FML

#20954433
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35906) - you deserved it (2604)

On 11/11/2013 at 9:14pm - health - by myheadhurts (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: