jmz_199

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jmz_199

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 4190
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jmz_199's page activity

Visits<b>Thursdayxo</b> - the 10/23/2013 at 9:52am<b>badmandilon</b> - the 09/29/2013 at 11:26pm<b>ChrisKT92</b> - the 09/17/2013 at 4:11am<b>Dre27</b> - the 09/09/2013 at 3:36am<b>olpally</b> - the 09/06/2013 at 9:06pm<b>Faith13</b> - the 08/20/2013 at 3:30am<b>Wizardo</b> - the 07/26/2013 at 8:07pm<b>Garagedwella</b> - the 06/30/2013 at 3:40pm<b>usernameunkn0wn</b> - the 06/15/2013 at 3:14pm<b>IHaveNoKoolAid</b> - the 05/15/2013 at 6:45pm<b>Bella1979</b> - the 05/15/2013 at 8:37am<b>MrClean17</b> - the 05/15/2013 at 3:01am<b>xlord</b> - the 04/27/2013 at 8:50pm<b>Tim2415</b> - the 04/26/2013 at 7:50am

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The rules are the rules

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Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

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jmz_199's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for no real reason via text message. A few hours later, she updated her relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship." Her new "boyfriend"? Her cat. A mutual friend commented, "Well, he's better than that idiot you had before." FML

by tkghan / 08/02/2013 at 10:53am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, after learning that my wife has been cheating on me, I decided to distract myself by playing The Sims. Not long after I began, my Sim's wife basically started cheating on him. FML

by Anonymous / 08/02/2013 at 1:03am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was walking home from the store when I saw my uncle. I went over and gave him a surprise hug. He grabbed my ass. He wasn't really my uncle. FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2013 at 3:07pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad walked in on me filming a Harlem Shake video. He stared for a moment, said "Son, I don't have a problem with homosexuals, but... nevermind." then shook his head and walked out. FML

by ¬_¬ / 07/27/2013 at 6:43pm / South Africa (Western Cape) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When my 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants and peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out for upsetting her. FML

by poopiter / 07/27/2013 at 2:31pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

by turning red / 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I spontaneously got my ear pierced. By spontaneously, I mean my 12-year-old sister stabbed one of her earrings into my ear while I was sleeping. She claimed the freckle on my earlobe looks "exactly the same" as the hole from her ear piercing. FML

by ouch / 07/24/2013 at 2:03pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML

by suckstosuck / 07/23/2013 at 12:04am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my fiancé confronted me about our wedding arrangements. Apparently, if he's not allowed to wear a duct-tape tuxedo and have a Jesus impersonator as his best man, the wedding is off. FML

Today, I went to see one of my favorite bands. They were having signings, but only the first one hundred could get one. When I finally got to the desk, they said I was number hundred and one, and to get lost. FML

by Anonymous / 07/21/2013 at 12:51am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML

by Anonymous / 07/19/2013 at 12:41pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, while texting my boyfriend, I noticed that he copies and pastes old messages so he doesn't have to write new ones. FML

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. His reason was that my laugh is really annoying and makes him want to "stick a baby in a blender". FML

by ... cheers / 07/16/2013 at 4:32pm / United Kingdom (Renfrewshire) / Love

Today, I was about to make a left turn. In the turn lane a little old lady was waiting for the light to change. On the back of her car was a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus!" I gave her a honk and waved. She leaned out and yelled, "The light's red, asshole." FML

by TNDriver / 07/16/2013 at 9:12am / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation