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jmelyn83

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jmelyn83

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  • Number of visits : 49
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jmelyn83's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at the laundromat when a huge, tattoo-covered man wearing nothing but denim booty shorts and a wife-beater sat down beside me. He stared at me for a while, before telling me all about how I reminded him of his "first prison bitch." FML

#19644212
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25216) - you deserved it (1936)

On 05/18/2012 at 10:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

#18946444
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21574) - you deserved it (9652)

On 01/29/2012 at 8:27pm - health - by Rachal - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dogs broke through our electric fence, one of whom managed to get his collar off. I picked it up and, without thinking, went across the fence line. I screamed like a chihuahua being run over by a bulldozer. FML

#18378000
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10440) - you deserved it (33135)

On 11/28/2011 at 6:54pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML

#18374141
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29443) - you deserved it (8734)

On 11/28/2011 at 7:34am - misc - by Dani - Reserved

Today, while driving and singing, I noticed a large fly inside my car. I stopped singing so it wouldn't fly into my mouth. That didn't stop it from flying up my nose, causing me to swerve and drive into a ditch. FML

#18262782
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26086) - you deserved it (4093)

On 11/16/2011 at 8:47am - misc - by jdancerchick - United States

Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML

#18086804
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13634) - you deserved it (34829)

On 10/27/2011 at 2:41am - misc - by Deborah - United States

Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML

#17450169
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30422) - you deserved it (4417)

On 08/12/2011 at 1:25pm - misc - by Coldsnap - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I walked outside my house to find my father in nothing but his underwear, spraying ants with ant-killer, laughing like a maniac and screaming, "Die bitches! Die!" FML

#17447180
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31862) - you deserved it (4280)

On 08/12/2011 at 2:17am - misc - by TuteSweet - United States (Connecticut)

Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML

#17190246
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37143) - you deserved it (10696)

On 07/20/2011 at 12:38pm - love - by John (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my sister was on shrooms. I wasn't able to tackle her before she called the cops to say that her books were trying to eat her face off. FML

#16932520
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31482) - you deserved it (3511)

On 07/01/2011 at 3:41am - misc - by ugh annoying - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and told me she wanted to be a nun. When I asked why, she replied, "So I won't get my heart broken by a boy." FML

#16607799
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36291) - you deserved it (7133)

On 06/11/2011 at 7:12am - kids - by julia - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML

#14806356
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43323) - you deserved it (7936)

On 02/02/2011 at 12:57am - kids - by Malakai - United States

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML

#14608705
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30762) - you deserved it (19942) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 1:24am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, I sent a picture to my girlfriend of my erect penis with a quote saying "It's waiting for you." She responded with a picture of her left hand showing her left ring finger with a quote saying "It's waiting for you too." FML

#14120118
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12345) - you deserved it (81607)

On 12/07/2010 at 1:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking back to campus with my boyfriend when we passed an Irish pub called "Fat Belly's." He put his arm around me, patted my stomach, and said "Yay! It's your restaurant!" FML

#13841183
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25983) - you deserved it (6360)

On 11/14/2010 at 1:54pm - love - by freedomofmusic (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)



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