jmar411

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jmar411

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2679
  • Number of comments : 45
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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jmar411's page activity

Visits<b>LissaMccracken</b> - the 06/18/2013 at 11:18am<b>simmyiphone</b> - the 05/27/2013 at 5:33pm<b>dead_insects</b> - the 04/22/2013 at 8:23pm<b>LovesSushi</b> - the 04/18/2013 at 3:54am<b>cosicosei</b> - the 04/05/2013 at 9:33pm<b>lonewolf621</b> - the 04/02/2013 at 3:44pm<b>cliostyle</b> - the 04/02/2013 at 1:52pm<b>dmoran20</b> - the 02/11/2013 at 3:25am<b>Dracospinks</b> - the 02/10/2013 at 5:24pm<b>sarkaar</b> - the 02/10/2013 at 12:42am<b>Chyl</b> - the 02/09/2013 at 3:58pm

jmar411's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of jmar411's badges

jmar411's favorite FMLs

Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML

by Lucy / 03/06/2010 at 5:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, I was walking past a group of old men exiting a building. All of a sudden, I heard a strange splashing sound, and discovered one of the completely inebriated men walking behind me, pissing on my boots. I sped up, but so did he, and he didn't miss once until he was done. FML

by cman / 02/26/2010 at 6:17am / Romania (Iasi) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog barked for 30 minutes with me yelling for him to shut up. Guess that's how long it takes someone to steal the rims from my truck. Good dog. FML

by rimjob / 02/20/2010 at 5:36am / United States / Transportation

Today, my pet rat had babies. We've only ever owned one rat. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2010 at 3:48pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

by Dog fart / 02/13/2010 at 11:08am / United States / Animals

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

by Dog fart / 02/13/2010 at 11:08am / United States / Animals

Today, I was feeling hungry, so I went to the kitchen to get a bowl of cereal. I found hundreds of weevils festering in my Lucky Charms. FML

by annony-moose / 02/06/2010 at 1:48pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent 3 hours in my home recording studio. I was recording vocals and was trying to hit a very hard series of notes. I nailed it after 2 hours and listened. You can hear the vocals, but the EQ settings were tweaked in just the right way where you can hear my dog licking his nuts. FML

by Parental / 01/22/2010 at 12:08am / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals

Today, I crossed a one-way street after looking for oncoming traffic only to be hit by a car driving in reverse. FML

by Davios / 12/27/2009 at 3:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at work at Hollywood Video. A guy came in and left without renting anything. Minutes later, I find human feces between the "Kids" and "Comedy" aisles. FML

by Van / 12/20/2009 at 1:32am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I looked at my house in Google Street View for the first time and noticed an unfamiliar vehicle in the driveway. When I asked my wife about it, she admitted to have an ongoing affair. Apparently the entire world knew my wife was having an affair before I did. FML

by cheaters_should_die / 12/18/2009 at 9:31am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my friends and I went to court. We are all college students, and for next semester, we will be on probation and have to do 8 hours of community service, as well as a $25 fine each. All for swinging on swings in the park after dark. FML

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2009 at 7:53pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, at 4am, I remembered that I had not studied for my Spanish exam. I panicked, jumped out of bed, and frantically began searching for my notebook. It wasn't until I destroyed my desk and woke up my roommate that I realized that I'm not enrolled in Spanish this semester. It was a nightmare. FML

by Stressmess / 11/30/2009 at 7:19pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went hiking with my friend. We both had to pee really bad. We went to the edge of a cliff to "relieve ourselves". He peed and it came and hit me in the face, he did it on purpose. So, I decided to get him back and peed at him. The wind changed direction and hit me in the face again. FML

by Harry / 11/29/2009 at 5:53pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous