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jmar411

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jmar411
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1155
  • Number of comments : 45
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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jmar411's favorite FMLs

Today, my doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help "loosen me up" so sex isn't so painful. I haven't been able to have sex for 6 months because it hurts so badly, and now my doctor has basically told me to go fuck myself. FML

#13937569
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31409) - you deserved it (7381)

On 11/22/2010 at 2:36pm - intimacy - by painfulintercourse - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help "loosen me up" so sex isn't so painful. I haven't been able to have sex for 6 months because it hurts so badly, and now my doctor has basically told me to go fuck myself. FML

#13937569
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31409) - you deserved it (7381)

On 11/22/2010 at 2:36pm - intimacy - by painfulintercourse - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my 5 year old son and I went out. As I was looking in the window display of a shop, I turned around to witness my son pooping in an open manhole on the street. FML

#13718140
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24600) - you deserved it (8025)

On 11/04/2010 at 7:54pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother, my aunt, and my two sisters are all on their periods. I can't even brush my teeth in my own house without being treated like a criminal. FML

#13641509
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38773) - you deserved it (4368)

On 10/29/2010 at 8:10pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, at an Aunt's wake, my five year old son walked up to the coffin, and, with the whole family around him, exclaimed, "Well that's good, I was wondering where she's been." FML

#13635730
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25354) - you deserved it (2875)

On 10/29/2010 at 4:31am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was on Skype with a guy I really like, in the living room. My dad saw that I was on video chat, got undressed, right down to his bright green y-fronts, and then started dancing behind me. My crush saw it all. FML

#13536412
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32977) - you deserved it (6301)

On 10/21/2010 at 11:20am - misc - by maddiee. (woman) - Indonesia (Jakarta Raya)

Today, as I put my 4 year old daughter in the car seat, she dropped her crayon. She then paused and matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, I don't say 'f***' anymore when I drop things." FML

#13450247
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20173) - you deserved it (8043)

On 10/14/2010 at 8:25pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after bringing my dog back inside, he started whining. I thought it was because he wanted his toys, but he was really trying to say, "Help me," as a torpedo of diarrhea exploded out of him, leaving a trail down the hallway. FML

#13342166
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23377) - you deserved it (4185)

On 10/06/2010 at 12:01pm - animals - by ukfan - United States

Today, I was working on my family genealogy. I found out that my best friend's great-grandfather murdered my great-grandfather. FML

#13337964
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34907) - you deserved it (3289)

On 10/06/2010 at 12:32am - misc - by cantstoplaughing (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to sneeze really bad in a restaurant. To avoid sneezing on everybody's food, I turned my head to the side and sneezed, it just so happens a waitress was there serving a table. My nose went straight into her ass. FML

#13274666
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24314) - you deserved it (5056)

On 10/01/2010 at 9:06am - health - by Embarrassed - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying he needed me to bail him out of jail. The crime? Masturbating in public. FML

#13027296
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35200) - you deserved it (5394)

On 09/12/2010 at 10:29pm - intimacy - by nickim756 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

#13026235
417 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28824) - you deserved it (26801)

On 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

#13005397
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33561) - you deserved it (9135)

On 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by gorillalove - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned that ice cubes do not cool down hot oil. Instead, it causes a massive explosion of hot grease to splatter all over my parents' kitchen. FML

#12248112
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7593) - you deserved it (65188)

On 08/01/2010 at 4:24pm - misc - by manicmandy - United States (Nebraska)

Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML

#8873623
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17511) - you deserved it (1831)

On 03/06/2010 at 5:44pm - misc - by Lucy (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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