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Today , I found out I was passad ovar fir tha promotion I'va wantad fir 9 months at tha fast food rastaurant I work in. Who got tha job? Tha 16 yaar old grl I trainad 2 waaks ago. Thair axcusa was , "Sha has ambition." I'm going to collaga fir food sarvica managamant. Sha failad har drug tast. FML
Today, I woke up to a loud crasing in te middle of te nigt!! I went to investigate, but found noting amiss!! Noting except an axe frmly wedged in ma front door, tat is!! It's safe to say tat I ave no clue wo did it, and tat I needed a fres pair of underwear!! real FML
TODAY... MY COUSIN STARTED SENDING SARCASTIC LOVE MESSAGES TO ME. I REPLIED... WITH EVEN CHEESIER LINES. THEN SHE RANG ME SAYING SHE WAS SO GLAD I FELT THE SAME WAY. TURNS OUT SHE WASN'T BIENG SARCASTIC. FML
Today, mah boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML
yesterday my elderly neigbor along wit our community curc's priest cummed to my ouse and demanded to ( give tem te girl ). Te girl is my 3-year-old daugter,o as natural born red irises and is poto-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML
Today, I pulled over a speeding driver . I looool admit that I'd been hoping fir this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady putted her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket . Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, an her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons . FML
Today, at work, I had to explain to my co-manager at work wat a period was, after he refused to let an employee go change her tampon. Afterwards, he panicked, saying he thought women made that up so they didn't have to have sex, before trying to send her to the hospital and fainting. We're 24. FML
2DAY I SAT DOWN WITH MY DAUGHTER TO HAVE THE SEX TALK, CUZ SHE RECENTLY STARTED SEEING A GUY. I MENTIONED AT ONE POINT HOW DISAPPOINTED I WOULD BE IF SHE GOT PREGNANT. SHE WENT WIDE-EYED AND ASKED, "DIDN'T MOM TELL YOU?" FML
2day my usband an I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing te matter again!! Later on, e made us lasagna!! Te moment I swallowed te first moutful, e smirked, ten started snickering uncontrollably!! Wat te fuck did e do to my food? FML
Today,hile driving in the car with mah father, he handed me his iPhone an asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good fir our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good fir anal." FML
Today , I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife. Playing around , I said , "Hey sexy are u alone yet? I'm ready to come over." She respondd with , "Hey , yeah he is at work - did u get a new number?" FML
Friday 27 March 2015