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jku's favorite FMLs
Today, I handed in the answer sheet an hour into a 3-hour long exam because I couldn't answer most of the questions. Now, everyone thinks I'm genius because I "finished" quickly and they want me to tutor them. FML
by idontknowwhatiamdoing / 04/15/2014 at 12:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML
by freakedout / 04/10/2014 at 10:32pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of pee all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML
by Anonymous / 04/05/2014 at 7:16pm / United States (Iowa) / Work
Today, I placed an order at a fast food joint, when the elderly lady behind me cussed me out for ordering the same thing she wanted. She ranted that I was a "dirty thief", while everyone else glared at me as if I was holding up the line. What the fuck? FML
by dirtythief / 07/18/2013 at 12:01pm / Philippines (Batangas) / Miscellaneous
by coldstar / 07/18/2013 at 5:06am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Animals
by muffin / 07/16/2013 at 8:01am / Austria / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/11/2013 at 1:08pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Wtf / 07/10/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I turned 29. To celebrate, my office got me a cake that read "Happy 38th!!" The "theme" of the "party" was 'Not a day over 35!' I waited all day for someone to tell me it was all a prank, but nobody did. I spent my lunch hour crying in my car. Happy birthday to me. FML
by Not a day over 35 / 06/18/2013 at 9:06am / United States (Alaska) / Work
Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML
by Anonymous / 08/31/2012 at 8:49pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
by alix / 08/24/2012 at 11:45am / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Animals
by lazy pregnant girl / 07/05/2012 at 3:34pm / United States / Work
Today, I walked into my roommate's room to ask him a question, only to see a pitcher with over a pint of urine in it sitting on his bookcase. This is at least the fifth conversation in a year I've had with him about not peeing in containers in his room. FML
by notestojenn / 07/04/2012 at 10:55pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad got drunk and played a practical joke on me; a practical joke that resulted in my knee being broken. Now, I'm sitting in a hospital bed all alone while my dad hunts for "hot nurses". FML
by justhelpful / 07/02/2012 at 1:44pm / Austria (Tirol) / Health
by Anonymous / 03/06/2012 at 11:03pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…