Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

jkp1291

Online | Search for a member

jkp1291

17Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 594
  • Number of comments : 50
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 13 posted

About jkp1291 : Blah Blah Blah

jkp1291's page activity

Visits<b>Canes2292</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 3:59pm<b>RainEliseWolf</b> - the 06/08/2015 at 10:42pm<b>OtakuCore</b> - the 06/08/2015 at 12:25pm<b>HuskiesGrey</b> - the 06/08/2015 at 12:53am<b>aizai97</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 11:58pm<b>SquidgyOmAm</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 5:12pm<b>BlueCookieDoe98</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 3:58pm<b>Kidjazzin</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 2:09pm<b>CCRider</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 12:49pm<b>keifman7</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 10:54am<b>dylanger16</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 9:53am<b>TotallyTrudy</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 9:04am<b>sweetbliss3</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 6:18am<b>chattysoul890</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 4:39am<b>psychopolarbear</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 1:46am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 06/06/2015 at 10:44pm<b>bearbears</b> - the 06/06/2015 at 7:26pm<b>bchayes91</b> - the 06/06/2015 at 7:25pm

Fucked!<b>CCRider</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 6:49pm<b>dylanger16</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 3:53pm<b>psychopolarbear</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 7:46am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 1:26am<b>bchayes91</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 1:25am<b>CyberSeeker</b> - the 06/02/2015 at 1:06am<b>kitkatjoy_96</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 9:19am<b>snowflake6666</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 6:20am<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 5:11am<b>the_aspect</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 10:17pm<b>briang959</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 5:09pm<b>rieebee</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 3:31pm<b>SquidgyOmAm</b> - the 02/18/2015 at 2:06am<b>DolphinLaser23</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 1:22pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 1:17pm<b>inowhtthefoxsays</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 11:57pm

jkp1291's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of jkp1291's badges

jkp1291's favorite FMLs

Today, I brought my best friend home and told my dad we were going to study together. He loudly replied "Woah!", stumbled around for a few seconds like he was drunk, then apologized and said the "sheer amount of gayness" between us had overloaded his gaydar. We're not gay, dammit! FML

#21429349
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25337) - you deserved it (2990)

On 06/21/2015 at 2:04am - misc - by notgay (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I heard my sister screaming from the basement, "Don't you hit me, you asshole!" Knowing her boyfriend was over, I ran downstairs with my baseball bat, ready to smash the fucker hitting my sister. Turns out they were just playing Mario Kart and he rammed her off the edge of a bridge. FML

#21428714
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26611) - you deserved it (3679)

On 06/19/2015 at 6:21pm - misc - by baberuth - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, while I was in the bathroom at a restaurant, my young son decided to drink the "slushie" I had ordered. We ended up at the hospital because that slushie was actually a margarita. FML

#21428647
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24785) - you deserved it (6940)

On 06/19/2015 at 4:09pm - kids - by Kidisok - United States

Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML

#21421576
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28699) - you deserved it (1820)

On 06/06/2015 at 12:20am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was let go from my job, because I "progress too quickly and there's no promotions available" and I "can find a better place to work at". FML

#21416754
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28671) - you deserved it (1935)

On 05/27/2015 at 6:27pm - work - by smyp - Lithuania (Vilniaus Apskritis)

Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML

#21414899
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32819) - you deserved it (2060)

On 05/24/2015 at 11:15am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

#21414033
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27721) - you deserved it (4553)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, I was supposed to light candles at my aunt's wedding. I accidentally lit the groom on fire. FML

#21402824
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29891) - you deserved it (5554)

On 05/01/2015 at 9:41am - misc - by why? - United States

Today, I asked my class to name some West African countries. Several of them thought Ebola was a country. I teach an AP history class. FML

#21400396
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33918) - you deserved it (3647)

On 04/27/2015 at 12:58am - work - by advanced history teacher (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I overheard my uncle talking about me to his friends. Nothing serious, just that he'd fuck me senseless if we weren't related. FML

#21399079
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37625) - you deserved it (2454)

On 04/24/2015 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Laois)

Today, I was spending some time alone out in the countryside, when I glanced at my boot. I saw a snake, screamed, ran like hell for my car, tripped over my own feet, and smashed my kneecaps. Upon further inspection, I realized the "snake" was my loose shoelace. FML

#21399007
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22648) - you deserved it (12242)

On 04/24/2015 at 1:09pm - misc - by Kira (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I complimented a player in a game who protected my ass the whole match. As a joke, I told them to marry me. Turned out the person was a horny 40-something lesbian stalker who spent the next 5 hours sending me pictures and trying to find out where I live. FML

#21398988
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28495) - you deserved it (5797)

On 04/24/2015 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML

#21398963
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28248) - you deserved it (3123)

On 04/24/2015 at 11:07am - intimacy - by someoneneedsassistance - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got into an argument with my racist brother after he opened his god damn stupid mouth in front of my girlfriend. He actually tried to convince me that he's not a racist, because one of his favorite types of porn is black girls getting fucked by white guys. FML

#21395531
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29348) - you deserved it (2480)

On 04/18/2015 at 12:57am - misc - by assault and imnotracistbuttery (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was trying to make a good impression with my fiancé's friends. After a few hours, I thought all was going well. As I walked to the washroom, I heard, "So what disability does she have? No one can be like that without something wrong in their brain." FML

#21395050
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29382) - you deserved it (2416)

On 04/17/2015 at 2:24am - love - by apparently_disabled - Canada (British Columbia)



FML's blog

  • Angie's illustrated FML
  • Here we go again. This week I'm talking to you live from the Paris Japan Expo. I'm dressed up as Bernard from the Sailor Moon series, and I almost got kicked out because my katana wasn't the…

Friday 3 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: