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About jkp1291 : Blah Blah Blah
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I got a horrible case of the hiccups while at my friend's mother's funeral, resulting in me squeaking loudly every five seconds during the eulogy. My friend glared daggers at me until I left the room, then later accused me of being an insensitive bitch for "trying to ruin the funeral." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8061) - you deserved it (1162)
On 03/19/2012 at 9:14am - misc - by bitchyhiccups (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4885) - you deserved it (3537)
On 03/19/2012 at 12:59am - kids - by FoodyFood (woman) - Australia (South Australia)
Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8753) - you deserved it (39289)
Today, I finally got a Wii Fit to try and lose some weight. I came home and set it all up, only to be told that I weigh too much to actually use it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47543) - you deserved it (22565)
On 07/07/2009 at 10:31am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me, with the same guy I was cheating on him with. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52091) - you deserved it (133747)
On 07/03/2009 at 10:16am - misc - by shandrith (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
I agree, your life sucks (149037) - you deserved it (22382)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (317558) - you deserved it (15422)
On 04/19/2009 at 12:05am - intimacy - by soontobedivorced (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (445611) - you deserved it (30138)
On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, a woman drove through my house. She was texting and eating watermelon at the same time. I didn't know that was even possible, but now my house is condemned. FML
I agree, your life sucks (93860) - you deserved it (3314)
On 04/12/2009 at 9:53am - health - by Fitz (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (293588) - you deserved it (16504)
On 03/28/2009 at 4:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (255622) - you deserved it (35244)
On 03/20/2009 at 12:15am - kids - by ScoobieDoo (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML
I agree, your life sucks (377559) - you deserved it (54173)
On 03/16/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by gentileman (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (373058) - you deserved it (413136)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (293345) - you deserved it (57633)
On 03/06/2009 at 2:04pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, and said "Did I say you could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids." I turned around, and they were right behind me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28752) - you deserved it (339165)
On 03/02/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by PicturePerfect (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
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