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jkozzy's FML badges
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
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jkozzy's favorite FMLs
Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML
by Joe Lizen / 08/06/2012 at 9:40pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking home from work, when a clearly homeless guy who smelled like Jimmy Hoffa's colon grabbed me, pinned me to a wall, and demanded that I hand over my "booty". I don't know whether or not I was mugged by Jack Sparrow, but either way, he's now over £100 richer. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 3:26pm / United Kingdom (Midlothian) / Miscellaneous
Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 12:46am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by PixiXOXO / 07/26/2012 at 2:07pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy
by Rochelle / 07/25/2012 at 2:14am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/24/2012 at 9:37pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
Today, I was in the hospital. I had recently broken my arm, and had to have it re-broken. I've secretly been a lesbian for years. Guess who came out to her strict Christian parents while on anesthetics. FML
by Arthurie / 07/24/2012 at 7:44pm / United States (New York) / Love
by hungry? / 07/22/2012 at 2:34am / United States (Tennessee) / Health
Today, I was having a really vivid dream in which I had to take a penalty kick to win the World Cup for the USA. I took the kick, but in reality, I smashed my foot against my bedroom wall and broke four of my toes. I also missed the kick in my dream. FML
by owwwww / 07/19/2012 at 4:05pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
by Bontempi / 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm / France / Miscellaneous
by Epiphany / 07/19/2012 at 5:01am / United States / Health
by MaeMoss / 07/18/2012 at 10:21am / United States / Love
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
by checkup / 07/14/2012 at 8:50pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Intimacy
by Username / 07/10/2012 at 11:27am / United States / Miscellaneous
by hotpatata / 07/06/2012 at 11:03am / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I discovered that my husband is a tad paranoid after finding out that our cat has worms. He… Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what… Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent…
- Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.…