Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

jkilmer

Search for a member

jkilmer
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 22 September 1995 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 2316
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About jkilmer : I'm a crazy bitch, point blank period. I like to have fun but most of the time I can't stand people. I love reading and all types of music. If you're still reading this, you should probably stop since I have nothing left to say.

jkilmer's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of jkilmer's badges

jkilmer's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend tried to change her pad while we were sitting in a crowded movie theatre. She succeeded and slipped the used pad into her purse. I can't get rid of the memory, and I don't think I can ever eat popcorn again. FML

#18120358
591 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56335) - you deserved it (4484)

On 10/31/2011 at 11:38am - intimacy - by ohdear (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to my husband's work to give him lunch. His assistant told me his "wife" was in his office. FML

#18108798
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43182) - you deserved it (2453)

On 10/30/2011 at 2:32am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a neo-Nazi stopped me and commented on my blue eyes and blonde hair. He went on to explain that I could be "pure", and should follow him and other Aryans in the campaign to eliminate Jews, and other "abominations". Good thing he didn't see the Star of David necklace around my neck. FML

#18067303
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38525) - you deserved it (2959)

On 10/24/2011 at 9:46pm - misc - by KaySchrages92 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, without telling me, my mom dropped me off at my grandmother's house, and drove off. Now I'm supposed to spend the next month with her. Guess she forgot my grandma died six weeks ago. FML

#18062520
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43324) - you deserved it (2555)

On 10/24/2011 at 10:55am - misc - by lonely - United States (California)

Today, at my mom's wedding, I tripped as I was walking down the aisle. I was holding the train of her dress. It ripped. FML

#18057412
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24176) - you deserved it (3196)

On 10/23/2011 at 7:58pm - misc - by TitMunch - United States (Maryland)

Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML

#17994746
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32085) - you deserved it (4320)

On 10/16/2011 at 12:22am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw an unbelievably cute guy. He caught my eye and began to walk towards me. I adjusted myself and flashed him a smile. He came up to me, smiled back, and said "Hi, do you have a minute for gay rights?" FML

#17987408
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34372) - you deserved it (7303)

On 10/15/2011 at 2:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

#17981940
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38400) - you deserved it (3846)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm - kids - by MLGreco - United States

Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML

#17981660
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27201) - you deserved it (1941)

On 10/14/2011 at 10:41am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my mom took a bright red sharpie and drew a red circle just above my breasts. She said, "If I can see this, ever, your shirt is either too low cut or too see through and it will be thrown away." FML

#17977433
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25836) - you deserved it (10167)

On 10/13/2011 at 8:10pm - misc - by Cassandra (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, as part of the treatment for my bulimia, my doctor informed me that I will not be allowed to go to the bathroom unsupervised. Meaning there will have to be another person in the bathroom with me at all times. I have a nervous bladder. I couldn't go if I wanted to. FML

#17977413
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19398) - you deserved it (11661)

On 10/13/2011 at 8:07pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my brother in law got into a fight with my husband. My pregnant sister was yelling at her husband to stop beating my husband up. When I came into the room, I asked why they were fighting. You'll never guess who the real father of my sister's baby is. FML

#17977094
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60220) - you deserved it (2953)

On 10/13/2011 at 7:20pm - love - by Good sister (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years dumped me for a chick I shared a hospital room with for 2 months. I introduced them. FML

#17965522
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31498) - you deserved it (3123)

On 10/12/2011 at 2:11am - love - by anonymous - Canada

Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML

#17965176
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22344) - you deserved it (3498)

On 10/12/2011 at 1:14am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my roommates thought I wasn't home and started talking about me. Apparently I'm a lesbian, devil worshiper, and an alcoholic. I didn't know my life was so fascinating. FML

#17964342
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26847) - you deserved it (2555)

On 10/11/2011 at 11:34pm - misc - by FroggyGirl888 - United States



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: