About jkilmer : I'm a crazy bitch, point blank period. I like to have fun but most of the time I can't stand people. I love reading and all types of music. If you're still reading this, you should probably stop since I have nothing left to say.
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Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20345) - you deserved it (9448)
On 07/25/2012 at 6:54am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend thought he could make a pregnancy test read positive by jizzing on it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20214) - you deserved it (3066)
On 06/21/2012 at 1:30am - intimacy - by really (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, a hobo shook me down for money on the street. He's my brother, who incidentally ran away from home over two years ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25523) - you deserved it (1677)
On 06/12/2012 at 12:59pm - money - by Sarah - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I found out that my colleagues had replaced my email auto-responder with a message saying, "I'm away for two weeks in Brazil. Due to the surgery, when I return, please address me by my new name: Crystal." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22813) - you deserved it (2307) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 05/31/2012 at 4:19pm - love - by Monsieur-Madame (man) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)
Today, my 14-year-old brother told me he needed help with something "very personal." Thinking he wanted girlfriend advice or something, I said, "Sure, no problem". He wanted me to shave his butt crack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18884) - you deserved it (1868)
On 05/29/2012 at 6:40pm - kids - by liquid_sasquatch - United States
Today, I was at the laundromat when a huge, tattoo-covered man wearing nothing but denim booty shorts and a wife-beater sat down beside me. He stared at me for a while, before telling me all about how I reminded him of his "first prison bitch." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18909) - you deserved it (1237)
On 05/18/2012 at 10:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14341) - you deserved it (1794)
On 05/11/2012 at 5:23pm - work - by mel (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)
Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35492) - you deserved it (2172)
On 04/24/2012 at 1:42am - animals - by jessica071509 - United States (Arizona)
Today, I realised my period was two weeks late and panicked about being pregnant due to missing a pill a few weeks ago. Then I remembered I haven't had sex in almost a year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26143) - you deserved it (6804)
On 03/17/2012 at 11:52am - intimacy - by noneedtostress - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was re-watching my wedding video. As I was walking down the aisle, you could hear my grandfather mutter "Here comes the bride, all fat and wide." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29039) - you deserved it (3933)
On 03/10/2012 at 9:20am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10593) - you deserved it (36260)
On 03/08/2012 at 4:48pm - love - by gabbykinz13 - United States
Today, my history teacher confiscated my iPhone. She dropped it on the way back to her desk, and I now have a shattered iPhone screen to fix. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22391) - you deserved it (24264)
On 03/07/2012 at 2:25pm - misc - by sad face - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19142) - you deserved it (4426)
On 03/07/2012 at 1:16am - intimacy - by Sharibabi65 (woman) - United States
Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23035) - you deserved it (6919)
On 03/03/2012 at 8:55am - misc - by scaredshitless (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)
Today, my drunken mother woke up after having passed out and yelled at me for ditching school. It took half an hour to explain that it's 5:00, and I've already been to school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20769) - you deserved it (1173)
On 02/18/2012 at 9:20am - health - by AnastasiyaNicholas - United States (Ohio)
Monday 20 May 2013
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