jkeneda

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jkeneda

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  • Number of visits : 273
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jkeneda's page activity

Visits<b>BostonBear</b> - the 01/24/2013 at 5:35pm

jkeneda's FML badges

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jkeneda's favorite FMLs

Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2013 at 12:45pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

by I think its dead / 01/15/2013 at 2:33am / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals

Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/26/2011 at 2:52pm / United States / Work

Today, my mom called me a bastard, told me I should run away, and said I don't deserve to live in her house. All because I didn't use a plate when I ate a Poptart. FML

by sadkid / 09/25/2011 at 7:23pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend put a paper bag over my head while we had sex. Her reason? Because she thinks she is so good in bed she was worried I'd hyperventilate due to all the excitement. Instead I fainted due to lack of oxygen after three minutes. FML

by quickfingers100 / 07/22/2011 at 9:38am / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina looks like an old man in a hat. It's OK though, he said it was a nice hat. FML

by growlr / 07/20/2011 at 5:17am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, while working at Subway, a man ordered a sub with avocado. When I told him it was no longer available, he screamed, spit in my face and ran out, pushing over an innocent bystander in the process. FML

by sandwichmaker / 07/16/2011 at 10:46pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2011 at 3:42am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out how it feels to have my groin catch fire due to a magic trick going wrong. FML

by chaoticnh / 06/24/2011 at 5:57am / Austria / Health

Today, I came home to my front door open and a homeless man taking a 'bath' in my sink. If this wasn't bad enough, he refused to leave because 'finders keepers!' FML

by Ally / 05/18/2011 at 9:07pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shit myself. FML

by Mel / 05/07/2011 at 6:27pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, a stoned man tried to break into my house. Naked. FML

by Anonymous / 04/10/2011 at 2:05am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML

by Johntheladdo / 03/29/2011 at 1:26pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I was startled awake at 4am by a loud and awful sound. Completely serious, I asked my fiancé if he had just shit his pants. His response: giggles followed by a softly whispered "maybe". FML

by Anonymous / 02/01/2011 at 8:43am / United States / Love

Today, while I was waiting at a bus stop, a man stopped at the red light and smiled at me. I smiled back. He blew me a kiss and drove away, just as I realized he was masturbating behind the wheel. FML

by mentallyscarred / 01/31/2011 at 4:34am / United States (California) / Intimacy