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jjimm

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jjimm
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 122
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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jjimm's FML badges

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jjimm's favorite FMLs

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

#20015702
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26641) - you deserved it (7723)

On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)

Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML

#20006521
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24069) - you deserved it (1456)

On 08/06/2012 at 9:40pm - misc - by Joe Lizen - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to ride a bike with no training wheels. After comforting her and assuring her that she'd be fine, I gave her a big push. She fell forward over the handlebars and scraped her chin on the front wheel. FML

#20002371
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7734) - you deserved it (19827)

On 08/04/2012 at 3:14pm - kids - by me - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML

#20001841
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16098) - you deserved it (4823)

On 08/04/2012 at 5:33am - health - by MAC. - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I learned that when you hear a bump in the night, it's best not to check your parents' room. Some things cannot be unseen. FML

#20001682
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12946) - you deserved it (17301)

On 08/04/2012 at 2:56am - misc - by alyssabree42 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML

#20000823
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24802) - you deserved it (1402)

On 08/03/2012 at 6:50pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Tabasco)

Today, I took my first fare as a qualified taxi-driver. The pride soon diminished as I was forced to listen to my passenger give a greatly detailed description of his recent colonoscopy. FML

#20000200
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14844) - you deserved it (1777)

On 08/03/2012 at 10:52am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he still has the key to our mailbox, while being at the other part of the country. Not to worry though, he sent it over. By mail. FML

#20000050
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17766) - you deserved it (1224)

On 08/03/2012 at 7:28am - misc - by Lara (woman) - Italy (Toscana)

Today, my soon-to-be stepson, 13, decided that he and I needed to spend "more quality time" together. His idea? We should start "bonding" by taking a bath together. When I said no, he told me I was being unfair, and that if I really loved him, I'd do it. FML

#19999925
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26117) - you deserved it (2017)

On 08/03/2012 at 4:21am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mom thought I was flying high on weed and nearly grounded me for it. I wasn't high, I was just actually in a good mood for the first time in a few weeks. FML

#19999290
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18376) - you deserved it (1342)

On 08/02/2012 at 10:14pm - misc - by HappyMan (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at a barbecue with my extended family. I was chatting to my grandma, when my idiotic brother decided to douse the grill with his cola. The hissing sounded so much like a Minecraft creeper that I instinctively screamed and practically shat my pants. FML

#19993096
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8589) - you deserved it (25467)

On 07/30/2012 at 6:21pm - misc - by NaKreen (man) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, my parents were awake while I was still in bed on my iPod touch. I decided to play The Smurfs Village. One of its minigames involves shaking the iPod, so I was breathing heavily. Later, my parents sat me down for a little "talk". FML

#19833260
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18120) - you deserved it (6259)

On 06/23/2012 at 9:11am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis. She convinced herself she's psychic and grounded me for something she "knows" I'm going to do. FML

#19832041
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21771) - you deserved it (1409)

On 06/23/2012 at 12:55am - misc - by Coffee Boy - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend thought he could make a pregnancy test read positive by jizzing on it. FML

#19822088
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23501) - you deserved it (3846)

On 06/21/2012 at 1:30am - intimacy - by really (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the gynecologist. As she was checking me out, she said, "Wow. So you must get wet a lot." It took me several minutes to realize she was talking about my job bathing dogs. FML

#19820234
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20295) - you deserved it (2694)

On 06/20/2012 at 7:08pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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