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jjimm

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  • Number of visits : 169
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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jjimm's favorite FMLs

Today, my car alarm went off at a funeral, three times. FML

#20070406
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19593) - you deserved it (3071)

On 09/13/2012 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I invited my boyfriend to his first dinner out with my family. As my older brother was discussing the injuries he'd received while working as a tow truck driver, my innocent 10 year old brother piped up saying he should see what I did to my boyfriend's back with my nails. FML

Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML

#20069823
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19517) - you deserved it (3969)

On 09/13/2012 at 2:02am - animals - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I held hands with a male mannequin in a department store, just to remember what holding hands felt like. FML

#20069351
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23506) - you deserved it (5847)

On 09/12/2012 at 8:26pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 2-year-old cat finally decided to start catching mice. Like any other cat would, she left it for me to find. I found it in the middle of the night, as my bare foot rolled its guts out of its ass. FML

#20068907
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23713) - you deserved it (2042)

On 09/12/2012 at 2:31pm - animals - by shadokis (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my book bag was so heavy that it set off my car's passenger detection system in the front seat. I had to buckle in my textbooks. FML

#20068805
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22964) - you deserved it (3256)

On 09/12/2012 at 12:05pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my cousin suddenly confided in me that he had tried to commit suicide by overdosing when he was 17. Shocked and not knowing how to respond, I blurted out, "Did it work?" FML

#20068483
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8298) - you deserved it (29371)

On 09/12/2012 at 1:40am - misc - by hahagirl (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was assigned to write a short story about what we imagine Earth to be like in 500 years, and daily conflicts people experience. My teacher loved it and read it aloud to the class. He asked for my inspiration, and I didn't have the heart to say that I ripped off Mass Effect 3. FML

Today, my boyfriend invited me over to "play with his lizard." After excitedly rushing across town, I realized this wasn't a euphemism, he actually bought an Iguana. FML

#20068225
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11205) - you deserved it (24024)

On 09/11/2012 at 10:35pm - intimacy - by Iguana (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, my dentist dropped my bite plate for x-rays on the ground, picked it up, looked at it intently, took a couple of hairs off, and shoved it back into my mouth. FML

#20068205
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23952) - you deserved it (1875)

On 09/11/2012 at 10:24pm - health - by ledentist - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, after my annoying neighbor who used to spend hours playing the cello in the apartment below me finally moved out, I found out that I have a new musical neighbor moving in. This fellow plays the bagpipes. FML

#20067181
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21061) - you deserved it (2434)

On 09/11/2012 at 2:11am - misc - by PissedbythePiper (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML

#20067114
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22168) - you deserved it (2214)

On 09/11/2012 at 12:47am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML

#20066250
329 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16972) - you deserved it (67844)

On 09/10/2012 at 1:52pm - intimacy - by killmenow - United States (Washington)

Today, my mother shared my phone number with my brother, despite my explicit wishes that she didn't. He immediately went and put it on Craigslist and several other websites. This is the fourth time I've had to change my number for that very same reason. FML

#20066134
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25050) - you deserved it (1968)

On 09/10/2012 at 10:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, the girl I've secretly loved for years finally noticed me. That is, after I ran over her foot with my truck. FML

#20065697
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19151) - you deserved it (6271)

On 09/10/2012 at 12:26am - love - by Disappointed (man) - United States (Texas)



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