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jjimm's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

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jjimm's favorite FMLs

Today, my car alarm went off at a funeral, three times. FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2012 at 4:37pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Transportation

Today, I invited my boyfriend to his first dinner out with my family. As my older brother was discussing the injuries he'd received while working as a tow truck driver, my innocent 10 year old brother piped up saying he should see what I did to my boyfriend's back with my nails. FML

by SerendipityRose / 09/13/2012 at 1:03pm / United States (California) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML

by anonymous / 09/13/2012 at 2:02am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I held hands with a male mannequin in a department store, just to remember what holding hands felt like. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 8:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my 2-year-old cat finally decided to start catching mice. Like any other cat would, she left it for me to find. I found it in the middle of the night, as my bare foot rolled its guts out of its ass. FML

by shadokis / 09/12/2012 at 2:31pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, my book bag was so heavy that it set off my car's passenger detection system in the front seat. I had to buckle in my textbooks. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 12:05pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my cousin suddenly confided in me that he had tried to commit suicide by overdosing when he was 17. Shocked and not knowing how to respond, I blurted out, "Did it work?" FML

by hahagirl / 09/12/2012 at 1:40am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I was assigned to write a short story about what we imagine Earth to be like in 500 years, and daily conflicts people experience. My teacher loved it and read it aloud to the class. He asked for my inspiration, and I didn't have the heart to say that I ripped off Mass Effect 3. FML

by brianfantana32 / 09/12/2012 at 12:24am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend invited me over to "play with his lizard." After excitedly rushing across town, I realized this wasn't a euphemism, he actually bought an Iguana. FML

by Iguana / 09/11/2012 at 10:35pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Intimacy

Today, my dentist dropped my bite plate for x-rays on the ground, picked it up, looked at it intently, took a couple of hairs off, and shoved it back into my mouth. FML

by ledentist / 09/11/2012 at 10:24pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Health

Today, after my annoying neighbor who used to spend hours playing the cello in the apartment below me finally moved out, I found out that I have a new musical neighbor moving in. This fellow plays the bagpipes. FML

by PissedbythePiper / 09/11/2012 at 2:11am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2012 at 12:47am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML

by killmenow / 09/10/2012 at 1:52pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my mother shared my phone number with my brother, despite my explicit wishes that she didn't. He immediately went and put it on Craigslist and several other websites. This is the fourth time I've had to change my number for that very same reason. FML

by Anonymous / 09/10/2012 at 10:14am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, the girl I've secretly loved for years finally noticed me. That is, after I ran over her foot with my truck. FML

by Disappointed / 09/10/2012 at 12:26am / United States (Texas) / Love