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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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jisaac09

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jisaac09
  • Town/Country : Louisa, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 11 December 1990 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 2239
  • Number of comments : 251
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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jisaac09's favorite FMLs

Today, I was woken up early in the morning by the sound of my mother frantically crying out for help. Apparently she had tried, unsuccessfully, to "end the suffering" of an injured squirrel by drowning it in the toilet. How? By placing it into the bowl and smothering it with clothes. My clothes. FML

#18570075 (284)

I agree, your life sucks (8985) - you deserved it (624)

On 12/21/2011 at 1:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after three days of getting stared at by my neighbour from the window, I realized that she wasn't alive anymore. FML

#18406735 (158)

I agree, your life sucks (33276) - you deserved it (2190)

On 12/01/2011 at 9:02pm - health - by unknown52 - Netherlands (Overijssel)

Today, I had botox injections to stop my face sweating so much. Now the sweat is almost gone, but my facial expression seems to be stuck on "baffled." FML

#18189475 (92)

I agree, your life sucks (3289) - you deserved it (9235)

On 11/07/2011 at 11:41pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I painted a kids room at my new nanny job while the dad "helped" by staring at my ass and telling me how hard it is to position your "junk" correctly when wearing a speedo. First day on the job. FML

#15865508 (114)

I agree, your life sucks (29428) - you deserved it (2451)

On 04/20/2011 at 9:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

#14835077 (275)

I agree, your life sucks (54942) - you deserved it (4761)

On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How is the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

#12099804 (331)

I agree, your life sucks (7724) - you deserved it (74746)

On 07/25/2010 at 5:06am - misc - by spriggs (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do stuff to me. After finishing on my face, he then left. My parents had to untie me. FML

#7609277 (333)

I agree, your life sucks (30286) - you deserved it (8122)

On 01/27/2010 at 8:35am - intimacy - by chanclepants - Sent from mobile version

Today, some drunk dude broke into my house while my parents were out. Scared, I asked him what he wanted, his response was "cookies." FML

#7264308 (191)

I agree, your life sucks (1191) - you deserved it (164)

On 01/10/2010 at 8:10pm - misc - by wowhoopla - Sent from mobile version

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up and found that someone had taken a dump on my car. They'd apparently felt bad about it, as they'd then keyed "sorry" into the door. FML

#6631628 (112)

I agree, your life sucks (31188) - you deserved it (1347)

On 12/06/2009 at 8:24am - misc - by flying_vegan - United Kingdom

Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML

#6036159 (201)

I agree, your life sucks (25154) - you deserved it (5206)

On 10/28/2009 at 4:03am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I carved a pumpkin for Halloween. I thought it would be cool to carve my name, and have it shine through onto the wall behind it. I figured that if I carved my name backwards then it would show up correct on the wall. My name's Lana and now my wall says Anal. FML

#5954141 (191)

I agree, your life sucks (8653) - you deserved it (31538)

On 10/23/2009 at 1:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I went online to check my credit report. My credit report says that I am deceased, and have no rating. I'm at least 90% sure that this is not true. FML

#5419647 (94)

I agree, your life sucks (29090) - you deserved it (1384)

On 09/22/2009 at 8:27pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML

#5148313 (183)

I agree, your life sucks (109494) - you deserved it (8692)

On 09/09/2009 at 1:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was with her. No, let me correct myself. Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was in her. FML

#4574797 (212)

I agree, your life sucks (58036) - you deserved it (7832)

On 08/16/2009 at 2:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex and I was on top. I was really into it and in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said "oh, look at the time, I gotta get home". She wasn't wearing a watch. FML

#618347 (98)

I agree, your life sucks (72958) - you deserved it (11900)

On 03/26/2009 at 4:37am - intimacy - by crap (man) - Thailand (Krung Thep)