jimluc02

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Offline (the 12/13/2015 at 4:40am)

jimluc02

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  • Number of visits : 1120
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jimluc02's FML badges

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jimluc02's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML

by kdeeeceee / 11/09/2011 at 12:59am / United States / Love

Today, I got junk punched by a midget in Sears for giving him "a funny look." I was trying to read the price of the fridge he was standing in front of. FML

by b3ardown23 / 09/06/2011 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a downstairs neighbor of mine claimed money from me because apparently my dog took a dump on the fire escape, and the poop fell through the grates and on her groceries. I don't have a dog, but I paid the money anyway, because I was too ashamed to tell her it was my husband. FML

by Zoe Avila / 08/09/2011 at 6:55pm / United States / Animals

Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML

by laughingflame / 08/04/2011 at 2:00am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML

by whatnot / 08/04/2011 at 12:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was helping clean my grandpa's garage when I found some of his old election posters from the '50s. They included slogans such as, "Dick: you know it feels right" and "Want growth? Choose Dick." I'm not sure whether to be disgusted or impressed. FML

by Nick / 07/27/2011 at 1:32pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I used the staff toilets at school. As I sat down, I heard a sudden plop, followed by the stench of diarrhoea from the next cubicle. It was followed by a "I do apologise!" It was my English teacher. And we continued to chat. FML

by IPityTheStool / 06/09/2011 at 9:22am / United Kingdom (London) / Health

Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML

by Cecilly2010 / 04/28/2011 at 11:53am / Animals

Today, I once again told my son he needed a job and a girlfriend because I simply could not keep him in my house anymore. He yelled, "No, I can do whatever I want!" Then went back to playing video games. He's 38. FML

by oldmama728 / 04/28/2011 at 7:07am / Geek

Today, my grandpa who is staying with us mistook me for a Japanese soldier and started to hit me with a bat. This is the second night in a row. FML

by nipman / 04/25/2011 at 3:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML

by ShakeRattleHiss / 04/20/2011 at 11:25am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my friends sat me down and said they were concerned I was self-harming. I don't self-harm, I'm just a massive klutz. They don't believe me, and want me to get professional help. And now, because I found it all so funny, they think I'm mentally unhinged. FML

by Alisha / 03/30/2011 at 1:28pm / United Kingdom (Stirling) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom banned me from watching The Simpsons and Family Guy because apparently, they're part of "the Devil's plan to corrupt God's children". FML

by Jonathan / 03/18/2011 at 5:40pm / Denmark (Midtjyllen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML

by Mr. Sensitive Nips / 03/17/2011 at 6:38pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal, my son had pooped in the school yard then gave the teacher a ziploc bag and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML

by anonymous / 03/15/2011 at 10:05pm / Kids