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jimluc02's favorite FMLs
Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML
by Anonymous / 07/10/2012 at 6:03am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML
by Concert Flatulent / 07/10/2012 at 12:44am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the circus with my family. When we were looking at the animals during the break, an elephant took my purse with his trunk and ate it. It crushed my cellphone, camera, keys and wallet. After that, the circus director yelled at me for feeding poisonous stuff to his elephant. FML
by ILoveAnimals / 06/11/2012 at 3:14am / Austria (Wien) / Animals
Today, a man on the bus questioned my sexuality for being a male nurse. I asked him what he did and he said he worked in a garage. When I pointed out that I work with sexy nurses all day and he works with sweaty guys, he punched me in the stomach. FML
by Bishop / 06/06/2012 at 10:19am / Transportation
Today, a drunk man wearing a sandwich-board proclaiming that, "The end is nigh" threw some so-called holy water at me while bellowing, "It's what Jesus would've wanted" and that I should "repent for being an evil shite." FML
by Notasinner / 05/24/2012 at 6:39pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was choosing my soft drink at a restaurant. The kid in front of me was too short to reach the lids so I handed him one. His mom rushed over, pried it out of his hands, threw it away, and yelled, "She's filthy, don't use that." FML
by td1078 / 05/24/2012 at 11:50am / United States (Maryland) / Kids
Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML
by lafinesse / 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm / Miscellaneous
by Sharibabi65 / 03/07/2012 at 1:16am / United States / Intimacy
by beernuts / 03/06/2012 at 6:53am / United States / Health
Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML
by awhmaaan / 02/27/2012 at 10:55am / United Kingdom / Health
by Anonymous / 02/19/2012 at 10:00pm / Canada / Health
by Anonymous / 12/21/2011 at 1:18am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
by rattlingfloorboards / 12/15/2011 at 12:09am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/14/2011 at 6:12pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by lababy / 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm / United States / Intimacy
- Today, my boyfriend got upset that I wouldn't give him head. He was visiting me at the hospital. FML Today, I was texting my boyfriend, making plans to see him tomorrow. He ended the conversation by… Today, I was making out with a guy in a washroom at a party. Things got heavy and the guy lifted me…