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jilldrankin's FML badges
A new Thumb
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
jilldrankin's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML
by Unknown / 02/07/2014 at 9:18am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML
by Anonymous / 01/30/2014 at 5:46pm / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Work
by sabz21 / 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work
by Anonymous / 01/25/2014 at 10:43am / United States (New York) / Love
by SirDirtyRedD / 01/24/2014 at 8:03pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 6:34pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 4:02pm / United Kingdom (West Lothian) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML
by Anonymous / 01/13/2014 at 2:34am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML
by bear food / 01/07/2014 at 11:37pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by tpj24 / 01/07/2014 at 7:00pm / United States (Iowa) / Work
by anon / 12/27/2013 at 2:28am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML
by Anonymous / 12/06/2013 at 4:37pm / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy
by vin_dex / 12/05/2013 at 12:40am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML
by MissYouPieceOfSkin / 11/27/2013 at 3:44am / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, while my hometown mayor becomes a world-famous crackhead and douche-bag, here in the UK it has come to this: when people hear my accent and ask me if I'm American, it's less embarrassing just to say, "Yeah", rather than admit I'm Canadian. FML
by unproud / 11/15/2013 at 2:05am / United Kingdom (Luton) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I got food poisoning and have had the worst diarrhea ever. I laid down in bed, hoping to get… Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing… Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw…