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Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40941) - you deserved it (5332)
On 05/06/2013 at 4:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML
I agree, your life sucks (44157) - you deserved it (6078)
On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)
Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18384) - you deserved it (7090)
On 01/12/2013 at 1:36am - misc - by poohanne - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7366) - you deserved it (50225)
On 12/09/2012 at 11:57am - intimacy - by SamWGovan (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17414) - you deserved it (1018)
On 11/22/2012 at 4:03pm - work - by DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18000) - you deserved it (3707)
On 11/21/2012 at 2:34pm - kids - by anon - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (23502) - you deserved it (6442)
On 11/02/2012 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)
Today, after I gave birth to our first child, my husband looked at the doctor and seriously asked, "When do you circumcise the baby?" We had a baby girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17474) - you deserved it (1502)
On 10/29/2012 at 6:32am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend got a new job. He'll be over the road for three weeks at a time, and home on the remaining week. Basically, I'll see him once a month. Guess which time of month it'll fall on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28221) - you deserved it (2295)
On 07/25/2012 at 2:08pm - love - by Itstrickyyxx (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I had to drive the guy I've been seeing for the past few months to the emergency room. So that he could witness the birth of his newest child. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19922) - you deserved it (6659)
On 07/10/2012 at 12:06pm - love - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18774) - you deserved it (2420)
On 06/11/2012 at 5:45pm - love - by amidreaming?? (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9869) - you deserved it (24137)
On 06/02/2012 at 11:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37304) - you deserved it (6755)
On 05/07/2012 at 5:42am - intimacy - by quirrus (woman) - United States
Today, my boyfriend figured out that he can bounce small things off of my boobs, and has been doing it every time I look away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15917) - you deserved it (2686)
On 04/28/2012 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Elise - United States
Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19979) - you deserved it (2119)
On 04/28/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by poo4brains - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Monday 20 May 2013
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