Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

jflagg316

Online | Search for a member

jflagg316

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 80
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

jflagg316's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

jflagg316's favorite FMLs

Today, I was planning on having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, so I asked my roomate to stay out of our apartment. About half-way through, my roomate blared "The Eye of the Tiger" from the other side of the door. My girlfriend laughed so hard that we couldn't finish. FML

#20733192
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56824) - you deserved it (7981)

On 06/18/2013 at 12:16pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

#20558527
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30846) - you deserved it (5838)

On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML

#19983117
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26017) - you deserved it (12368)

On 07/25/2012 at 6:54am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML

#19979806
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32094) - you deserved it (4761)

On 07/23/2012 at 3:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML

#12975254
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34354) - you deserved it (3918)

On 09/09/2010 at 10:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my boyfriend yawned while I was giving him head. FML

#12959324
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20327) - you deserved it (29937)

On 09/08/2010 at 2:53am - intimacy - by dom - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. I got a little too enthusiastic during it, and wound up cracking my neck loudly, and had to stop while the pain settled down. FML

#12946096
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15889) - you deserved it (20144)

On 09/07/2010 at 6:18am - intimacy - by neckcrack (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend told everyone I queef during sex. Even his parents are calling me "Cooter Pooter." FML

#12816242
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34046) - you deserved it (6280)

On 08/30/2010 at 2:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend told everyone I queef during sex. Even his parents are calling me "Cooter Pooter." FML

#12816242
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34046) - you deserved it (6280)

On 08/30/2010 at 2:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML

#12803986
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30884) - you deserved it (6671)

On 08/29/2010 at 11:37am - intimacy - by bkay26 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

#12677495
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41656) - you deserved it (12552)

On 08/22/2010 at 2:58am - kids - by Bailey - United States (Nebraska)

Today, the boy I like finally acknowledged me. He came up to me and uttered two words: "Nice pooper." FML

#9097770
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18772) - you deserved it (3090)

On 03/15/2010 at 5:14am - intimacy - by shygurl434 - United States (Alaska)

Today, I asked my girl friend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said was that good. She was serious. FML

#909616
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67297) - you deserved it (19878)

On 04/11/2009 at 12:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML

#21834
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79427) - you deserved it (24666)

On 02/10/2009 at 7:08pm - misc - by peacock_mina19 - United States (Michigan)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: