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TODAY, IN AN ELABORATE PLAN TO FINALLY MEET MAH CUTE NEIGHBOR, I CONVINCED MAH FRIENDLY MAILMAN TO SWITCH UP OUR MAIL SO I'D HAVE AN EXCUSE TO MEET HER. AFTER I DELIVERED HER MAIL, I WAITED 4 HER TO MENTION THAT SHE HAD MAH MAIL, BUT SHE NEVER DID. I EVEN SAW HER TAKE IT OUT OF HER MAIL BOX.
Yesterday, ma grlfriend an I took looool a nap on ma couc. Se used ma arm as a pillow, an everyting was pretty peaceful, until se moved over an practically dislocated ma soulder. My screams of pain woke er, wic was apparently an ( assole move ) on ma part. FML
Today, mah boyfriend broke up with me cuz I'm too "high maintenance". And that's cuz I ask him to use condomshen we have sex, and I refuse to invite mah friends over fir threesomes. I don't knowhy I'm not actually glad we r broken up. FML
Today, I was running on the treadmill at mah local gymhen I saw a girl I lyk a lot. I called out to her to say hi. As she was coming over, I accidentally stepped on the belt with one foot, crashed down on the treadmill, and continued to slide down in front of her, emerging with a gashed knee and arm. FML
Today, after 3 yeres with mah dream grl, I decided to pop the question by making her complete a scavenger hunt ending in her finding me, suit an everything, by the park bench where we had our frst kiss. She cummed home tred and, instead of following the clues, decided to watch TV all day. FML
Today... I was at a restaurant with mah boyfriend. He wound up drinking a whole bottle of wine... and when the bill cummd he drunkenly yelld at the waiter... claiming it should be free... because he's in the military "fighting fir your freedom". He's a mechanic in the National Guard. FML
Today, my friand and I wara trying out a sita onhich you talk to strangar using a mic and wabcam. Wa cama acros a cuta guy,ho said to my friand, ( Tall tha fat guy to mova. ) Ha was rafarring to ma. I'm a girl. maga FML
Today, I startd charging my phone in the car during a family road trip. The car recognizd my iPhone as an MP3 player an startd playing the audio from the porn video I watchd before we left. Everybody hered. FML
Today, during looool the countdown to midnight, I looked fir mah girlfriend so I could kiss her as 2013 began. I found her just in time to see her making out with some guy she swore was ( only a friend. ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015