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jewels27's favorite FMLs
by obnum / 04/18/2013 at 10:37am / United States / Love
Today, I was on hold with the cable company for an hour. When I finally got someone, I walked into the kitchen to where it was quiet and slid across the floor, falling on my butt and losing my connection on the phone. My 2-year-old son had sprayed the floor with nonstick cooking spray. FML
by cowgirl927 / 04/18/2013 at 7:26am / United States / Kids
by KatiRozz1 / 04/17/2013 at 1:40pm / United Kingdom (Middlesbrough) / Miscellaneous
by Aaronator25 / 04/17/2013 at 12:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML
by Anonymous / 04/16/2013 at 7:13pm / United States (California) / Health
by Mimi / 04/15/2013 at 9:35pm / United States (California) / Kids
by twinArmageddon2 / 04/15/2013 at 2:04am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by geeshock1987 / 04/15/2013 at 1:58am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by lonely / 04/14/2013 at 11:45pm / United States / Love
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2013 at 11:34am / United States / Intimacy
by iwassoclose / 04/10/2013 at 12:32pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm / United States / Health
by lonelygirl / 04/09/2013 at 12:59am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by dancekat / 04/08/2013 at 5:17am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by confusedcatlover / 04/06/2013 at 7:42am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
- Today, after spending five hours on the pond fishing, I put my final catch on the stringer that had… Today, I went to check out the aftermath of my Saturday. My Elantra had a blowout, I informed the… Today, I realized I despise most of my friends and will do anything to avoid them. Including hiding…