[fr]
[it]
[es2]
[tr]
[de]
[ru]
[se]

Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick :
Categories :
Man or woman?
Email notification?

jewel_505

Search for a member

jewel_505
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 4 May 1987 (24 years)
  • Number of visits : 1652
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

jewel_505's last visitors

theluckygirl28

jewel_505's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

jewel_505's favorite FMLs

Today, in math, I was working on an assignment and this really cute girl comes over and says my name. At this point, my heart is pumping with excitement and I'm thinking she is going to ask for my number. She said,"Did you know someone drew a penis on your back?" FML

#8433331 (100)

I agree, your life sucks (18174) - you deserved it (2041)

On 02/19/2010 at 1:32am - misc - by GeneralElement (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my son learned about various animals in school, and how they urinate to mark their territory. Apparently, the entire second floor of my house is now my son's territory. FML

#7981374 (105)

I agree, your life sucks (21705) - you deserved it (1563)

On 02/07/2010 at 7:35pm - kids - by grrrr - United States

Today, whilst at my boyfriend's family get together, his cousin got really drunk and decided to ask my boyfriend when he was planning on proposing to me, loud enough for everyone to hear. An awkward silence was followed by my boyfriend's mother, who clearly said "hopefully never." FML

#7118046 (70)

I agree, your life sucks (25609) - you deserved it (1561)

On 01/03/2010 at 1:53am - love - by embarrassed (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, while lying in bed with my wife, I asked her if she still loved me. Her reply "Sometimes". This I know is true because she instantly rolled over and farted on my leg. FML

#6802710 (84)

I agree, your life sucks (20669) - you deserved it (2919)

On 12/17/2009 at 10:48pm - love - by yoked (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was in a meeting at work. In the middle of our CEO's speech, I farted. Everyone heard including my boss, who looked over and said, "Do you have anything else you wanted to add?" FML

#6708463 (65)

I agree, your life sucks (10552) - you deserved it (14325)

On 12/11/2009 at 1:11pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was standing in a long line at the Post Office when my 3 year old son starts rubbing up and down my leg. I asked him what he was doing and he said loudly. "I'm humping you like Simon humps me!" Everyone looks at me in shocked horror. Simon is our dog. FML

#6620817 (78)

I agree, your life sucks (22417) - you deserved it (1810)

On 12/05/2009 at 7:04pm - animals - by Sissy (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was working at a restaurant when my manager approached me and informed me that there was people having sex in the women's washroom, and he needed me to go in and ask them to cut it out. So I did. Five minutes later, a woman walks out with her disabled son and asks to talk to my manager. FML

#6526778 (77)

I agree, your life sucks (26060) - you deserved it (1861)

On 11/30/2009 at 12:51am - intimacy - by Janer88 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out that some men think it's ok to clip their fingernails, at the table, in a restaurant, on a first date. FML

#6420618 (58)

I agree, your life sucks (28325) - you deserved it (1724)

On 11/23/2009 at 5:13am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I overheard my best friend's wife telling their kids to pay attention in school and stay focused on their goals so they don't end up a failure in life like their father's friend, Matt. Hi, my name is Matt and I'm the friend. FML

#6182274 (62)

I agree, your life sucks (19221) - you deserved it (3361)

On 11/06/2009 at 1:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML

#6098895 (69)

I agree, your life sucks (26225) - you deserved it (2111)

On 11/01/2009 at 9:36am - misc - by WasteOfTime (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my 5 year old daughter figured out how to use the microwave, microwaving my brand new 3G iphone. It was completely wrecked. So was the microwave. FML

#6078140 (120)

I agree, your life sucks (24138) - you deserved it (4351)

On 10/31/2009 at 12:22am - kids - by Mike (man) - United Kingdom (Blackpool)

Today, my boyfriend called and asked me why I love him. I told him because he's always there for me and continues to put up with my bipolar disorder. He promptly said "not anymore" and hung up. FML

#6072093 (171)

I agree, your life sucks (30553) - you deserved it (3294)

On 10/30/2009 at 5:24pm - love - by screwed (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year old man with a beer belly. FML

#5978415 (139)

I agree, your life sucks (26053) - you deserved it (9895)

On 10/24/2009 at 6:24pm - misc - by fmlifetime (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having a nice moment with my granddaughter as she was being affectionate by stroking my face. We were both quite content, until she said, "Aw, Grandma, your skin feels just like a crocodile." FML

#5977481 (100)

I agree, your life sucks (21904) - you deserved it (2024)

On 10/24/2009 at 5:14pm - kids - by Granny (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I found out my mom is the nude model for an art class at my college. FML

#5942211 (105)

I agree, your life sucks (42267) - you deserved it (1884)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:30am - misc - by scarred - Sent from mobile version