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Today, I was sitting on the couch with my little brother. He was looking at me and says "so cool." I asked him what was so cool and he says "it's not that cool but, your eyebrow connects to your other eyebrow". FML
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On 08/23/2009 at 3:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24065) - you totally deserved it (2200)
On 08/21/2009 at 5:28pm - kids - by Ben (man) - United States
Today, I went out to eat dinner with my family to celebrate my 18th birthday. I playfully put 3 straws between my knuckles to make myself look like Wolverine. I turned to my 6 year old nephew and ask, "Who am I?" He then replied with, "An idiot." FML
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On 08/21/2009 at 1:18am - kids - by Mak10 (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my 14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant. I work as a public speaker for promoting celibacy and safe sex. FML
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On 08/20/2009 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by younggrammy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
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On 06/11/2009 at 7:52am - work - by apav (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
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On 06/07/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
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On 05/11/2009 at 1:12am - intimacy - by Hallllo (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking: "What can I get for you cuntie?" FML
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On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was taking the subway to work when I saw a really hot girl. Noticing that she, like me, had a Dunkin Donut's coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is that Double D's you have there?" She didn't pick up that I was talking about the Coffee. FML
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On 04/29/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML
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On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was playing with my pet hamster and I decided to put it down my pants for fun. It started running around and I actually got aroused. My mom then proceeded to walk into my room to see me with an erection and my pet hamster poke his head out of the hole in my boxers. FML
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On 04/08/2009 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by hammylove (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. TWICE. FML
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On 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
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On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
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On 03/31/2009 at 10:46am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "what do I do now?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (88440) - you totally deserved it (8137)
On 03/31/2009 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
