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jesuismelogee

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jesuismelogee
  • Town/Country : Australia
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 22 August 1993 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 164
  • Number of comments : 34
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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50 favourites

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jesuismelogee's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML

#20688020
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55278) - you deserved it (3708)

On 05/26/2013 at 8:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my nose started running while in bed with my boyfriend. I kept trying to wipe it off with my arm to avoid ruining the moment. My boyfriend then looks up at me in horror. Turns out it wasn't mucus; it was blood. And it was all over his neck, his shirt, and his silk sheets. FML

#20647224
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57738) - you deserved it (10792)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Sirah90 (woman) - United States

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43648) - you deserved it (4550)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, as a learner driver, I embarked on my longest drive ever: back home, from Sydney to Melbourne, which is around a 700km drive. I managed to get the whole way without any problems. I crashed into my driveway. FML

#20577137
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34319) - you deserved it (6369)

On 04/06/2013 at 4:51am - health - by aaaaahhhh (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I regretfully confessed to my parents I have trichotillomania. There was a torturous pause, followed by the question, "Are you gay?" FML

#20575858
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28011) - you deserved it (4351)

On 04/05/2013 at 7:23am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML

#20172916
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10272) - you deserved it (25627)

On 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm - kids - by piemasterzim (man) - Canada

Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML

#20145633
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25353) - you deserved it (2907)

On 11/03/2012 at 11:52am - intimacy - by hiccups - United States (New York)

Today, I was getting out of the car when I saw a dark figure approaching me from behind a shed. I screamed and threw my bag. It also threw its bag, due to the fact that it was my shadow on the wall. FML

#20123366
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7482) - you deserved it (20772)

On 10/19/2012 at 12:06am - misc - by ktreens (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

#19063795
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31355) - you deserved it (2172)

On 02/13/2012 at 7:03am - health - by loveinanelevator (man) -

Today, I called my seven-year old son to help me with the ice-maker on the fridge because it wasn't working. Without even pausing, he turned the child lock off and started laughing at me. FML

#17260733
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12178) - you deserved it (33130)

On 07/25/2011 at 11:19pm - kids - by unnamed - United States (California)

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

#17089969
503 comments

I agree, your life sucks (117113) - you deserved it (5933)

On 07/13/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by whyme102008 - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend finally got a Facebook account. Too bad she doesn't know the difference between a wall post and a message. She just described how much she enjoyed our sex last night, in great detail. My mom liked it. FML

#14790156
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43261) - you deserved it (7642)

On 01/31/2011 at 5:46pm - intimacy - by anon - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, as my boyfriend was unbuttoning my pants to go down on me, he looked at me and said in his best robot voice, "caution, contents may be stinky." FML

#9913301
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37538) - you deserved it (19048)

On 04/16/2010 at 12:03am - intimacy - by shmelly - United States

Today, I woke up in the hospital. I had apparently overworked my heart so much that I fainted. What caused it? I was playing a racing game on my Wii and freaked out when I won first place. FML

#7789192
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11609) - you deserved it (31986)

On 02/01/2010 at 7:40pm - health - by overexcited (woman) - United States (California)



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