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jesss127's favorite FMLs
Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML
by Anonymous / 11/01/2012 at 7:48am / France (Picardie) / Love
Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
by ananymous / 10/31/2012 at 11:04pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by OhLovely / 10/31/2012 at 9:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML
by Anonymous / 10/31/2012 at 4:24pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by poorkids / 10/31/2012 at 1:01am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, we had movers come in to take all of our stuff as the final step to our move to the States. We have our flight scheduled for tomorrow evening. Thing is, they accidentally took my carry-on bag without my knowledge. In that carry-on there was a little something called a passport. FML
by bluefrisky / 09/29/2012 at 3:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by thatonegirl.SBS. / 09/29/2012 at 1:38am / United States (California) / Love
by mustachioed / 09/29/2012 at 1:06am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a dog trying to attack a man. I have experience working with aggressive dogs, so I pulled the dog off him and got it under control. The man punched me in the face for not having my dog on a leash. It wasn't my dog. I don't even own a dog. FML
by Anonymous / 09/27/2012 at 11:31am / Canada (Alberta) / Animals
Today, a car hit me. I didn't get hurt, but someone called 911. The old woman who had hit me got out of the car with no problem to look at me, and gets back into the car. When the police arrive, she pulls out crutches and said I made strange faces and made her hit me. I got blamed. FML
by Tom / 11/25/2010 at 8:28am / Transportation
by Vastu / 02/07/2010 at 12:42pm / Nepal / Money
Today, I arrived at my apartment to find the door kicked in. Inside, I found my TV, Xbox, stereo, CDs, and laptop had all been stolen. When my roommate got home, I told him about it, to which he replied, "Yeah, I left my keys inside this morning, so I kicked the door in to get them." He left with the door kicked in. FML
by Anonymous / 01/17/2010 at 7:40pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML
by Sean / 12/24/2009 at 7:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by ugh / 09/23/2009 at 3:32pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML
by unbelievable208 / 08/05/2009 at 1:28am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
- Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend, and I couldn't be happier. Not even two hours later, my… Today, after being accused of stealing at Walmart, the security man started sexually harassing me.… Today, I got my first job. I went in to work this afternoon fine, and came out with severe burns on…