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Today, Mah Best Friend Told Me About A Vicious Rumor That's Going Around, Saying I Contracted A Horrible STD!! I Asked Her If She Told Everyone It Was A Lie!! She Said No, Because The Rumor Is Apparently ( Way Too Funny To Ruin!! ) Maybe It's Time For New Friends!! FML
Today... the guy I'm dating found out I have severe arachnophobia. He downloadd a picture of a huge... hairy spider and set it as background on my iPhone. I can't even unlock my phone... as every time I try... the spider pops up and I drop the phone. He laughs every time I do it. FML
today I was slapped acros the face by a grl in the waiting room at the dentist's office!! She thought I was taking a picture of her breast with mah phone!! I was smilinghile reading other people's FMLs!! FML
today mah mom hung her new "Christmas Clock" on the wall. It plays a different Christmas carol every hour , on the hour. It's only December 2nd and I'm already starting to understand y suicide rates sky rocket this time of year. FML
Today , My Mom And I Took My Senile Grandmother To The Mall , Since She Doesn't Get Out Much. She Complained It Was Hot , Then Took Her Clothing Off In The Middle Of The Food Court. It Took Us Thirty Minute To Make Her Put Her Shirt Back On. FML
Yesterday, my son turned 8. We watced as e unwrapped a $55 Nerf gun, extra 'bullets', new soes and a scool bag wit is favorite TV caracter on te front and a action figure inside. As e finised e looked me straigt in te eyes and says, "Tat's great ma, but seriously wat'd you get me?". FML
Taday I went to Hollister with my grandmother. She immediately started yelling about the music bieng too loud , and ordered the staff to "shut the damn thing off". She was yelling at a bunch of mannequins. FML
Today mah cat peed on mah bra !! I didn't realize this until after I arrived at work 4 mah 12-hour shift !! Now I'm trying to wash mah bra out in the sink an stuff paper towels down it to soak up the moisture !! Only 10 more hours to go an the smell of cat pee is still lingering !! FML
Today, I had some soup that my dad made . I took one sip and found he had puttd tons of hot sauce in it . I rushd to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had usd it as an ash tray the night before . I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash . FML
Today, in a state of extreme boredom, I decided to dress mah 6-month-old son in girl's clothes. As he sat in mah lap in a frilly dress, an as I was placing a very pink an lacy bow on his head, mah mother-in-law unexpectedly walked in. She now think I'm mentally unstable an should be in therapy. FML
Today, My Parant Told Ma That Thay Had Joind A Local Club. Proud Of Tham For Going Out Of Thara Comfort Zona To Maka Naw Friands, I Googld Tha Nama Of Tha Club. I'm Sura Thay'll Maka Soma Lifalong Friand At Thara First Swingar Club Maat. FML
Today... I caught mah mother trying to switch mah contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild... or that she thought I wouldn't notice that mah birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML
TODAY I WOKE UP TO MY BALLS COVERD IN ICY HOT A BIG OLD "FUCK YOU" NOTE FROM MY GRLFRIEND AND MY DOOR SLAMMING SHUT. I'M STARTING TO GET THE DISTINCT IMPRESSION I SHOULDN'T HAVE MADE THAT OFF-HAND REMARK LAST NIGHT ABOUT HER PMSING AFTER SHE RAGE-QUIT A GAME OF MARIO KART. FML
Friday 27 March 2015