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jesss127's favorite FMLs
Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML
by VampObsessed / 01/05/2013 at 12:30am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML
by idiot / 01/04/2013 at 5:13am / Sweden / Health
by Tiffosaur / 01/04/2013 at 1:12am / United States / Love
by Emily / 01/03/2013 at 1:42am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my dog died. We planned to get her cremated and keep the ashes. My sister put forward the idea of putting the ashes in our food so our dog can be "inside of us, always." She's completely serious. I'm scared to eat food from her now. FML
by Anon. / 01/02/2013 at 4:53pm / Animals
by ashbeat / 01/01/2013 at 10:20am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, while buying paint, I began to help an elderly woman working to lift some heavy boxes. She told me what a nice young lady I was. Then her boss came over, screamed at her for being lazy and fired her. She cried. So did I. FML
by Anonymous / 12/31/2012 at 10:44am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous
Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML
by fuckinghicks / 12/30/2012 at 6:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, at the hospital I work at, I had to deliver my best friend's baby. I later found out that my ex boyfriend was the father. Normally this wouldn't faze me, but it did because we broke up last month. FML
by Anonymous / 12/29/2012 at 3:25am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
by ShadowReaper101 / 12/29/2012 at 2:41am / United States (California) / Kids
by nosleep / 12/29/2012 at 2:33am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, after spending a lot of money on photo shoots to build up my portfolio, I finally got an offer from a modelling agency. I ran outside to tell my parents, only for my brother to hurl an iced snowball straight into my face. I now have a huge gash over my cheek and nose. FML
by Anonymous / 12/28/2012 at 8:23pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health
Today, I set up a spy cam in my room to find out which one of my pervy brothers has been using my computer to watch porn. Turns out it was actually my father. I now have a video of him sitting in my chair masturbating, and I can't get it out of my head. FML
by Anonymous / 12/28/2012 at 2:05pm / Malaysia (Selangor) / Miscellaneous
Today, while my girlfriend was playing a game on my phone, an unknown number sent me a nude picture and the words "Miss you, baby." This person's mistake just cost me a black eye, and probably my relationship too. FML
by Anonymous / 12/28/2012 at 12:33pm / United States / Love
Today, I went shopping. At the counter, the cashier started flirting with me and asked me for my number. He was cute, so I gave it to him. After walking out of the store, I got a text that said, "I didn't want to say it out loud, but your pants are unzipped." FML
by Ren / 12/28/2012 at 2:49am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours… Today, my boyfriend and I were roleplaying therapist and patient in bed. When I playfully asked him… Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on…