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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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jessiewessie

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jessiewessie
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 17 July 1990 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 441
  • Number of comments : 25
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jessiewessie's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML

#6712384 (176)

I agree, your life sucks (9421) - you deserved it (24053)

On 12/11/2009 at 7:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after I have spent $3,000 dollars in preparations to move in with my girlfriend of 2 and 1/2 years, she confesses she's a mental patient who stole someone elses identity. She was telling the truth. FML

#5811757 (82)

I agree, your life sucks (26787) - you deserved it (1959)

On 10/13/2009 at 2:38am - misc - by IMayBeAFool (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she suddenly stopped and yelled "STOP!". I stopped, scared I'd hurt her. She then yelled "HAMMER TIME!" and started to dance. We never finished. FML

#5286193 (192)

I agree, your life sucks (19313) - you deserved it (3441)

On 09/16/2009 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my girlfriend, who is a dog trainer, was telling me all about the techniques she uses at work. I commented on how the dogs must be stupid to fall for such simple tricks, to which she replied "They worked on you." FML

#5203249 (85)

I agree, your life sucks (7209) - you deserved it (29331)

On 09/12/2009 at 8:00am - love - by TrainedBF (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, a very good platonic friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said 'Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!' When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said 'You've made me the happiest man alive' as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML

#4340185 (358)

I agree, your life sucks (18898) - you deserved it (69774)

On 08/06/2009 at 5:25pm - love - by dundundadumb (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML

#4053619 (179)

I agree, your life sucks (16748) - you deserved it (39913)

On 07/26/2009 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML

#3932433 (377)

I agree, your life sucks (45399) - you deserved it (20573)

On 07/21/2009 at 3:45pm - intimacy - by uh-oh (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my wife gave me back my camera which she took on vacation to visit her parents with our 2-year old. I noticed the picture sequence had big gaps in the numbering. I ran an undelete on the card, and found 80+ pictures of her naked with another guy in her mom's bedroom. FML

#3792104 (276)

I agree, your life sucks (72585) - you deserved it (2890)

On 07/16/2009 at 1:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to shower, his mother slams a pair of underwear on the table and tells me that if she ever finds something like that in her son's room again, she is forbidding him from seeing me. The underwear isn't mine. FML

#3756487 (107)

I agree, your life sucks (43689) - you deserved it (1340)

On 07/14/2009 at 8:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom, sister, and I were talking about a friend's girlfriend. My sister's opinion of her was that she was cute but not hot. My mom agreed, saying that she didn't think that someone without boobs could EVER be hot. She then looked at me and said "no offense." FML

#3341978 (142)

I agree, your life sucks (36259) - you deserved it (2096)

On 06/29/2009 at 7:07pm - misc - by Atomic_Tangerine (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML

#3146320 (459)

I agree, your life sucks (137087) - you deserved it (19620)

On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I met up with a guy from a local dating site for coffee. He walked up, looked me over and said "Ummm, no", then walked off. FML

#2074546 (148)

I agree, your life sucks (53565) - you deserved it (5924)

On 05/19/2009 at 6:13am - misc - by notnerb - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML

#1415688 (203)

I agree, your life sucks (145560) - you deserved it (5892)

On 04/28/2009 at 2:27am - intimacy - by liveforpeace_ (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML

#1080598 (140)

I agree, your life sucks (21554) - you deserved it (76020)

On 04/18/2009 at 6:42am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was talking with my father on the phone when I mentioned I wanted to stay at school over the summer and work. He asked if it would be lonely with the campus empty, when I replied that my friends would be working here too. He asked: "What, all two of them?" FML

#829744 (61)

I agree, your life sucks (42230) - you deserved it (3352)

On 04/06/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by halebop (woman) - United States (West Virginia)