Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

jessicabitestoo

Search for a member

jessicabitestoo

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 18 December 1993 (20 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1213
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About jessicabitestoo : i'm jessica. i'm eighteen. i'm a happy person most of the time. i'm easy to get along with. i love to make people laugh. i like to meet new people. so if you want to talk, don't be shy. :)

jessicabitestoo's page activity

Visits<b>sarah2144</b> - the 01/03/2014 at 1:00pm<b>golden_warrior</b> - the 06/29/2013 at 12:19pm<b>suoerkewl</b> - the 01/24/2013 at 3:20am<b>Razzle_Dazzle_5</b> - the 07/31/2012 at 3:10pm<b>Tvolsfan325</b> - the 04/13/2012 at 7:49pm<b>Chaith</b> - the 02/27/2012 at 10:09pm

jessicabitestoo's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of jessicabitestoo's badges

jessicabitestoo's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to bury my horse again because coyotes keep digging it up. FML

#19230527
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39151) - you deserved it (2890)

On 03/06/2012 at 11:03pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend decided he is going to narrate everything I do. I can't get him to stop. FML

#19201903
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20931) - you deserved it (3151)

On 03/02/2012 at 10:01am - misc - by types (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML

#19144211
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24918) - you deserved it (5860)

On 02/23/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by ZeroApostle4Ever - United States

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

#19109077
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24829) - you deserved it (2468)

On 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm - health - by district12 (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I took my grandmother for a spin in my new car. Apparently, she had no idea that seat-warmers exist and that hers was turned on, because fifteen minutes into the ride she started shouting, "My ass is on fire!" causing me to swerve into a pole. FML

#19099160
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25323) - you deserved it (6860)

On 02/17/2012 at 8:25am - misc - by BOOP - United States (Montana)

Today, I had to pick my grandma up because she was drunk, at church, at 9am. FML

#19059708
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27815) - you deserved it (2106)

On 02/12/2012 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was taking a dump in a public toilet, when a guy in the next stall started drunkenly rapping. He kept trying to get me to rap along with him, eventually bashing the wall and threatening to bust my face in if I didn't. I soon found out I can rap to Slob On My Knob pretty well. FML

#19043614
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24442) - you deserved it (2580)

On 02/10/2012 at 8:02pm - misc - by rapper in training (man) - United States

Today, I took my first shower in weeks after having had spinal surgery. My sister flushed a toilet. I couldn't reach the nozzle or my cane to get off the shower bench, and all I could do was sit there as scalding hot water sprayed all over me. FML

#19033928
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36646) - you deserved it (1890)

On 02/09/2012 at 12:28pm - health - by Ouchies - United States (Colorado)

Today, I reached a new low in my relationship: my boyfriend got so drunk I had to help him take a piss. FML

#18979126
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23450) - you deserved it (5461)

On 02/02/2012 at 8:02pm - love - by lillymean (woman) - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML

#18974920
216 comments

Today, I got to be an innocent victim caught in the middle of a farting war between my boyfriend and my 10-year-old son. I fear my sense of smell will never recover. FML

#18958302
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21884) - you deserved it (4249)

On 01/31/2012 at 1:22am - kids - by beautifulme (woman) - United States

Today, at work, a customer threatened to punch me in the face because the store I work at doesn't have shopping baskets, only carts. FML

#18958245
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22667) - you deserved it (2043)

On 01/31/2012 at 1:12am - work - by chubbyreddevil - United States

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

#18946444
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21490) - you deserved it (9635)

On 01/29/2012 at 8:27pm - health - by Rachal - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML

#18937632
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48486) - you deserved it (8160)

On 01/28/2012 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by Tiana - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was sitting on a bus. I'm deaf. An old lady looked very angry at me and started talking. Then she looked like she was screaming. I had to type on my phone that I'm deaf. Apparently, I'd been stepping on her foot. She decided to poke me in the eye and type, "Now you're blind too." FML

#18936748
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38311) - you deserved it (2949)

On 01/28/2012 at 7:46pm - misc - by Come on - United States



FML's blog

  • Matteor's illustrated FML #2
  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: