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About jessicabitestoo : i'm jessica. i'm eighteen. i'm a happy person most of the time. i'm easy to get along with. i love to make people laugh. i like to meet new people. so if you want to talk, don't be shy. :)
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Today, I was having dinner with my college friends to celebrate the end of our first year. I said really great things about them as individuals. The only thing they had to say to me was, "Thanks for being the token black friend." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14827) - you deserved it (1706)
On 05/14/2012 at 10:23pm - misc - by foreverbrown (man) - United States
Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML
I agree, your life sucks (3098) - you deserved it (5280)
On 05/11/2012 at 2:29pm - love - by cockblocked (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5574) - you deserved it (501)
On 05/10/2012 at 5:22pm - health - by Jesse (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8173) - you deserved it (1238)
On 05/07/2012 at 5:51am - misc - by N (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)
Today, my turtle, who had a little portion of the garden all to herself, died. My 5-year-old nephew wanted to "be like Mario" by jumping on her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10675) - you deserved it (621) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 05/05/2012 at 6:06am - kids - by Grindyloo -
Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21263) - you deserved it (5206)
On 04/29/2012 at 11:10am - intimacy - by ShadowJack - United States
Today, my boyfriend figured out that he can bounce small things off of my boobs, and has been doing it every time I look away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5081) - you deserved it (823)
On 04/28/2012 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Elise - United States
Today, I had to explain to my neighbor that black people aren't all lactose intolerant. His eyes still bulge out every time I eat cheese. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7363) - you deserved it (493)
On 04/19/2012 at 3:34am - misc - by MI3 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up and decided to make my mom a special Easter breakfast in bed. I pre-heated the oven to bake the sausage just the way she likes. Guess where my easter basket was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19571) - you deserved it (3939)
On 04/08/2012 at 10:30am - misc - by jess - United States (Ohio)
Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to put my bra on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6198) - you deserved it (1714)
On 04/07/2012 at 11:15am - misc - by anniemeece (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7835) - you deserved it (5053)
On 03/27/2012 at 1:51pm - kids - by azmom - United States (Arizona)
Today, my boyfriend discovered you can send sound clips as text messages. So far I've heard 5 of his farts in the past half hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6803) - you deserved it (1065)
On 03/20/2012 at 6:33pm - love - by anonymous - Canada (Newfoundland)
Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4885) - you deserved it (3537)
On 03/19/2012 at 12:59am - kids - by FoodyFood (woman) - Australia (South Australia)
Today, I watched as my step-dad put locks on my window, because he's convinced that I've been sneaking out at night. All my mom did was casually remark that I'm fucked if there's ever a fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8021) - you deserved it (879)
On 03/18/2012 at 4:02pm - misc - by Rapunzel (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16508) - you deserved it (6803)
On 03/17/2012 at 10:11pm - intimacy - by unendowed - United States (Texas)
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