jessica0987

Search for a member

jessica0987

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 15 October 1989 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 864
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About jessica0987 : i am 19.
and im a girl
and im fun =]

jessica0987's page activity

Visits<b>tin_cup</b> - the 01/14/2016 at 2:40am<b></b> - the 03/10/2011 at 12:40am

Fucked!<b>tin_cup</b> - the 01/14/2016 at 8:41am

jessica0987's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

jessica0987's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up at 5:30 AM to my boyfriend flipping on the lights and shouting, "We have a problem!" Our chinchilla had gotten out of his maximum security cage, and half of our apartment is now underwater because he decided the water line that leads to the fridge would make a tasty midnight snack. FML

by Sara / 03/04/2009 at 5:42pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. It is also my 39th birthday today. For my birthday present, she gave me a subscription to match.com. FML

by you would / 03/04/2009 at 12:15am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was walking to my car tonight when I saw a large man walking behind me, I hurried to open my car as he was approaching quickly, my door wasn't unlocking and I panicked. It was then I noticed it wasnt even my car. As I walked away from the other car, he walked up and unlocked the door. FML

by Fantastic / 03/03/2009 at 11:19pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

by Nails / 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my mother told me she was going out of town this weekend. I re-assured her that I would not throw a party. She replied "Oh, like you have enough friends to do that." FML

by stinker / 02/21/2009 at 8:20pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got my fake ID and went out with the boys to dinner and the bars. One of my friends asked to see my ID. He noticed my birthday didn't make me over 21. I paid $170 for a fake ID with my real birthday. FML

by Noname / 02/21/2009 at 8:19pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, while on a blind date at Hooters, I ordered my food and the waitress asked me if I was stoned, because she couldn't understand me. I have a speech impediment. FML

by Vince / 02/21/2009 at 8:15pm / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, I was watching a documentary on The World's Fattest Man. Half way through the show the reported started talking about his girlfriend. The Fattest Man in the world has a girlfriend. I'm 21 an have never had a girlfriend. FML

by Skido / 02/19/2009 at 8:39pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, My boyfriend gave me a gift card for $32 to a local salon. I thought the amount was kind of random, but when I went in I saw that the bikini wax was $32. FML

by nadalada / 02/18/2009 at 3:06am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep. He looked at me laughing and said "See you in a decade." FML

by mags / 02/16/2009 at 10:05am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took a friend out for what I thought was date. After dinner was over and I paid, she pulled the bill out and wrote her name phone number on it for the waiter. FML

by Noname / 02/16/2009 at 1:41am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I went to a fastfood restaurant to pick up food for my work party. I ordered 250 chicken fingers, 15 orders of fries, and 2 gallons of tea, and the guy behind the counter asked, "Is this for here or to go?" FML

by efffmylife / 02/15/2009 at 4:27pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML

by cjk004 / 02/15/2009 at 6:35am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I called my grandmother to wish her a happy Valentines Day. She asked me if I had a date lined up. I didn't, and before I could explain why, she responded with, "Well, maybe all the other gays went on vacation!" Thanks Grandma, I'm not gay. FML

by kolgate / 02/15/2009 at 5:12am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw my male boss holding a purse. Just to be a smart ass, I made fun of him as if the purse was his. It was his. FML

by gregoyles / 02/15/2009 at 4:06am / United States (Nevada) / Work