Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

jessal

Search for a member

jessal

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Friday 10 October 1986 (27 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 525
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

jessal's page activity

Visits<b>sexyboi1985</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 1:09am<b>realmercurial7</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 9:32am<b>mattbaker</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 7:26am<b>aleximo</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 11:36pm<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 1:37pm<b>JR7ISME</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 2:02pm<b>gotaplanstan</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 11:31pm<b>pipefitter69</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 10:06pm<b>thestrangedude</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 6:57pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 2:33am<b>aa1717</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 4:23pm<b>hawkeyepeirce</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 4:06pm<b>whitevenom</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 3:29pm<b>olpally</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 4:48pm<b>Chloe_C_H</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 4:04pm<b>wilburhp</b> - the 05/26/2014 at 2:05am<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 2:56pm<b>TourettesGuyFTW</b> - the 03/10/2014 at 7:23am

jessal's FML badges

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of jessal's badges

jessal's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up, got dressed, and left for the 1 hour drive to the nearest vet. When I arrived, I realized that I left my cat in its carrier on my kitchen counter. FML

#20908268
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39457) - you deserved it (23951)

On 10/05/2013 at 12:00pm - animals - by wasted_gas - United States (Georgia)

Today, someone stole my card number and tried to use it. Every transaction got declined, not because the bank knew it was a fraudulent charge, but because I'm so poor that he couldn't make even a single purchase. FML

Today, my mom and I got the answer to the question, "Is our dog really dumb enough to jump out of the window of a moving vehicle?" The answer: Yes. FML

#20904318
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41815) - you deserved it (5759)

On 10/02/2013 at 2:36am - animals - by BasketGhost - United States (New York)

Today, at the age of 23, I brought my boyfriend over to meet my parents. My father swabbed his mouth for DNA and fingerprinted him. FML

Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML

#20903328
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41763) - you deserved it (5333)

On 10/01/2013 at 1:32pm - animals - by NestHead (woman) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML

#20903010
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32553) - you deserved it (3932)

On 10/01/2013 at 3:30am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Austria (Wien)

Today, my dad asked me to stop calling him "dad" because it’s too weird for his girlfriend’s kids to hear, because they call him dad. FML

#20901637
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51784) - you deserved it (2455)

On 09/30/2013 at 4:04am - kids - by meens42 - United States

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

#20894470
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46927) - you deserved it (4221)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:08pm - misc - by Undercooked (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my sister came out of her room sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked what was wrong, she put her fingers in my face and asked if they smelled like pickles, and if "that's normal for girls". They did. It's not. FML

#20880468
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42367) - you deserved it (3156)

On 09/14/2013 at 1:42am - health - by Carebeareatu (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my girlfriend to a public place before confessing that I've been seeing another woman, to avoid a dramatic scene. After being rushed to the hospital with a concussion and broken nose, I think it's safe to say my plan didn't go very well. FML

#20873101
351 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19596) - you deserved it (98591)

On 09/08/2013 at 3:31pm - love - by verbaltodomestic (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was at the doctor's getting a check up. He asked me if I was allergic to anything, to which I blurted out, "Cats." He gave me a weird look and said, "Don't worry, I won't give you cats." FML

#20865755
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39216) - you deserved it (6489)

On 09/03/2013 at 4:17am - health - by NoNotCats =^._.^= (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got screamed at by a woman at work for feeding her 3-week-old infant formula instead of the bottled Kool-Aid that she packed. FML

#20854260
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45470) - you deserved it (2961)

On 08/25/2013 at 9:28pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, after an argument with my wife, I stormed out of our bedroom through the sliding doors to the balcony. Only there was no balcony, because it still hasn't been replaced yet. I'm now laid-up in hospital. FML

#20843350
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38171) - you deserved it (15031)

On 08/18/2013 at 4:13pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML

#20836718
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54107) - you deserved it (6153)

On 08/14/2013 at 5:11am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked in on my husband putting my anti-wrinkle cream on his balls. He said, "I thought it'd help." FML

#20822001
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48383) - you deserved it (4893)

On 08/05/2013 at 12:41pm - intimacy - by Serum - United States (Kansas)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: