About jessal : I'm easy going and fun. If you want to know more then message me.
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jessal's favorite FMLs
Today, while going through airport security the lady asked why I folded everything so small. I said that I was going away for a month and needed to fit a lot of stuff in only one bag. She smiled, nodded and then dumped my luggage to search for "drugs and other illegal teen things." FML
by search_me / 07/16/2009 at 7:39pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my daughter to the lake. She told me she had to go to the bathroom and I whispered to her "just pee in the lake, it's fine, but go in a little deeper." She went in the lake and turned to me to yell "MOM, IS THIS DEEP ENOUGH FOR ME TO PEE?" FML
by Anonymous / 07/16/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, we went up for visitor's day for my son's Jewish summer camp. We don't keep kosher, but most of his fellow campers do. When we went around in the circle saying our favorite foods, he said, "my mom makes the best pork chops." We got dirty looks for the rest of the day. FML
by porkeater / 07/16/2009 at 11:02am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML
by MadMax / 07/16/2009 at 10:59am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancé and I toured our dream home. I was so excited about it that I posted all kinds of pictures of it on Facebook. My Boss' daughter just called and said she loved my pictures so much she made an offer on the house. We were 1 week away from making an offer. FML
by Homeless / 07/13/2009 at 10:16pm / United States (Georgia) / Money
Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML
by takinabreak / 07/10/2009 at 1:03pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by AidenFromSweden / 07/06/2009 at 2:41pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend was on the roof of his house. I climbed the ladder but I am kind of scared of heights so when I got up there I just sat on the edge. The gutter broke and fell down and I fell along with it. My boyfriend said, "I've been trying to tell you to go on a diet". FML
by sydsophnova / 07/01/2009 at 11:36pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the doctor for a sports physical. I've had a giant, dark birthmark on my left rib cage that I've hated most of my life. Recently I've learned to embrace it and show it off by wearing bikinis. My doctor saw it today and told me it's a fungus that's been spreading on my side all my life. FML
by Anonymous / 07/01/2009 at 4:35pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, I realized that a Ph.D. in Mechanical Engineering does not offer enough knowledge and experience to accomplish some simple, everyday tasks. I have spent the last 12 years designing large robots to scour the seabed for shipwrecks yet the mechanism used to unhook a bra eludes me. FML
by Anonymous / 06/30/2009 at 10:39pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I realized that my company's calendar is synchronized throughout the whole building. The entire company now knows that I made love to my wife last Wednesday and Friday, and that I went out with a girl named Janet on Saturday. My wife's name is Julie, and she works in the same building. FML
by Fred / 06/26/2009 at 9:32pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, I was in the grocery store getting bananas and there was this real hot guy next to me. He said, "Hey beautiful" so I smiled. He then asked if I was free on Friday night. I smiled and said, "Yes, why do you ask?" He looked up from the bananas and pointed to the bluetooth in his ear. FML
by Anonymous / 06/21/2009 at 3:50pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I gave a carpet shampooing demonstration in a stranger's home. To my surprise, the white expensive carpet was dyed grey due to something in the solution. The owner held me hostage in her house by barracading the door until my manager got there. FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2009 at 3:47pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, I received an email from a temp agency trying to hire me. Surprisingly, it was the same job I was just laid off from after two years of great employment. They were trying to hire me at half my original salary. FML
by surfernerd6987 / 06/11/2009 at 1:21am / United States (Tennessee) / Work
Today, my crush was walking up to me and I put my earphones in, playing hard to get. When I heard him say something about a date I take an earphone out and say, "Oh, I didn't see you there!" His response, "They're not connected to anything," holds up the end of my earphones and walks away. FML
by Anonymous / 06/07/2009 at 10:26am / United States (New York) / Love