Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

jessal

Online | Search for a member

jessal

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Friday 10 October 1986 (27 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 607
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About jessal : I'm easy going and fun. If you want to know more then message me.

jessal's page activity

Visits<b>hurtfeet</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 2:30pm<b>BBlah</b> - the 08/21/2014 at 12:40am<b>captaininouille</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 5:37am<b>Cacksonic</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 4:39am<b>AGB10</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 1:10am<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 12:16am<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 11:58pm<b>Mons</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 2:48pm<b>moksha</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 11:52am<b>WillowB47</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 3:59am<b>Melodyrain</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 3:44pm<b>elly94</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 11:02am<b>boredSOLDIER</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 6:31am<b>AHzulu</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 11:12pm<b>Arni792</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 11:11am<b>HowieDoIt</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 8:59am<b>sexyboi1985</b> - the 08/06/2014 at 5:38am<b>Tobiaspe</b> - the 08/06/2014 at 5:15am

jessal's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

See all of jessal's badges

jessal's favorite FMLs

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

#21230044
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43907) - you deserved it (6838)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:48pm - intimacy - by donutsex (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I lost my wedding ring at work. It wouldn't be too hard to track down, except that I work at Heinz. If you find it in your mayonnaise, keep it. FML

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, as I was on the couch taking a nap, it started violently shaking. I panicked and chased my family outside, convinced it was an earthquake. It was just the cat trapped inside the couch. FML

Today, I burned my left breast with hot oil at work. Everyone's now calling me "toaster strudel" and singing "This girl is on fire" every time we cross paths. FML

#21154853
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38857) - you deserved it (5562)

On 05/28/2014 at 4:33pm - health - by angelamegan21 - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML

#21154562
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46351) - you deserved it (27739)

On 05/28/2014 at 12:28pm - kids - by outsmartedbykids (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

#21131182
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (226) - you deserved it (18536)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it's the last day of my sign language class. At the end of the class, my teacher surprised us by speaking for the first time, also surprising everyone that she wasn't actually deaf. It wouldn't have been so bad had I not just given someone an answer to the test, thinking she couldn't hear me. FML

Today, I was walking and saw a quarter. I bent down to pick it up. Barely a foot ahead there was another, so I crawled over to get it. This continued for about six feet when I realize a kid was laying them out in a trail. I had collected 7 fake quarters and the kid had it on video. FML

#21087786
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40487) - you deserved it (19456)

On 03/15/2014 at 11:46pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, an American lady here in Ireland asked me if I was a Leprechaun. Thinking she was joking, and me being quite "vertically challenged," I decided to just say yes. She then grabbed me and made me endure photographs, cuddles and pats on the head from all her fellow tourists. FML

#21082683
186 comments

Today, my students presented their projects on genetics to the rest of the class. One student told the class that salted and unsalted peanuts were an example of genetic variation. She was serious. FML

#21076929
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41475) - you deserved it (4436)

On 03/03/2014 at 2:58pm - work - by Biologyfacepalm (woman) - United States

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

#21070396
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44069) - you deserved it (4164)

On 02/24/2014 at 2:36pm - misc - by fuckmeitsgettingworse - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I'm eight months pregnant with my second child. My 18-month-old son loves to watch my belly move when his baby brother moves. And then loves to smack my belly. It's going to be a long eighteen years. FML

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML

#21055858
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43536) - you deserved it (14221) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/09/2014 at 10:39pm - intimacy - by vegas-81 - France



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: