Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

jerryj

Search for a member

jerryj
  • Town/Country : Switzerland
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 7 April 1984 (30 years)
  • Number of visits : 439
  • Number of comments : 152
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About jerryj : o hai there...
BANANA BREAD!

jerryj's last visitors

ben57rocks6dandaman5Marine6297ThunderTheRadLilybreezeZ3R0G5LadyQuantum7ItsMeDiegoG

jerryj's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of jerryj's badges

jerryj's favorite FMLs

Today, I met up with an old friend of mine who acts in a TV show. I hadn't seen him in a long time, but I'd been watching episodes of the show almost daily, so when he showed up I could only see him as his TV character and not as my friend. I ended up calling him by his character's name. FML

#21114249
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12240) - you deserved it (3318)

On 04/16/2014 at 12:13am - misc - by Confused (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

#21113538
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33482) - you deserved it (2848)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:08am - animals - by stupiddog (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. Everything seemed to be going well, when all of a sudden he turned to look at me with a pensive and thoughtful expression. I expected him to say something important, but instead he just said, "I was wondering, how does it feel to be fat?" FML

#21112565
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31591) - you deserved it (3776)

On 04/14/2014 at 2:29am - intimacy - by teddyissmall (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

#21111156
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30698) - you deserved it (7205)

On 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm - misc - by traumatized (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML

#21108665
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33897) - you deserved it (5332)

On 04/09/2014 at 5:12pm - intimacy - by damn (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

#21108570
328 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56089) - you deserved it (26628)

On 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm - animals - by Brody89 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was being shown how to use a nail gun while applying for a job at a construction company. The instructor shot me in the arm with it. I didn't even get the job. FML

#21107174
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41107) - you deserved it (2718)

On 04/07/2014 at 10:13pm - work - by watch_corn_dance - United States (Illinois)

Today, I witnessed my psycho neighbor put her cat in a cage, cross into my backyard, and set the cage down before returning to her house. She then called the cops and claimed I'd stolen her cat. The cops didn't believe my side of the story for a second. FML

#21106030
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41041) - you deserved it (2555)

On 04/06/2014 at 3:37pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML

#21104594
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35720) - you deserved it (2709)

On 04/04/2014 at 6:07pm - misc - by fuck you with a bacon cock (man) - United Kingdom (Moray)

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

#21101391
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36152) - you deserved it (27241)

On 03/31/2014 at 10:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML

#21099196
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42679) - you deserved it (3401)

On 03/29/2014 at 6:34am - work - by bringthemback (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while at work, I went to unlock the washroom for a customer. Normally we don't allow customers to use the staff washrooms, so I was as surprised as the guy I found sitting on the toilet when I opened the door. FML

#21098949
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31501) - you deserved it (3329)

On 03/28/2014 at 11:02pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, a bee flew into my classroom and landed on my cheek. Not only am I allergic to these things, I was hit in the face with a textbook to "make sure it's dead." FML

Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML

#21097153
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19860) - you deserved it (33274)

On 03/26/2014 at 6:39pm - health - by athletiks (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML

#21095689
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45157) - you deserved it (10997)

On 03/24/2014 at 11:39pm - misc - by dani (woman) - United States (Ohio)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: